Faith that God is Working on H

[ANewMe]

Lissie,

You are so right. Thank you for that. I had just said to Steelerfan in an email that I have to admit to my sinful feelings about her. She was supposed to be my friend and instead she slept with my H after she knew that H and I had been together talking and hugging and kissing just two weeks prior. I HATE HER! Now I have to find a way to hand those feelings over to God and you are right about needing to forgive but like kissak said, I will never like her again or have any kind of relationship with her again. I know that H and OW will not stay together, she will begin to treat H like she treated her XH and he will not stand for it for long.

I really do think that forgiveness and patience are part of the lessons that God wants to learn and assimilate so that it is not easy for me to fall back into the same old behavior. The sad part is, I had thought I had the forgiveness part down pretty well as I thought I have forgiven a lot from my childhood but I find that I hadn't really forgiven, I had just buried old feelings. I will follow your advice and please pray for me and my family, too. We can use all the prayers we can get.

[plentyhope]

ANM,

I am so sorry that you are hurting so much. ((((ANM))))

When's your birthday?

The Power of a Praying Wife says that when we are unforgiving, God doesn't hear our prayers. Also unforgiveness causes us physical pain and ilness. So for your OWN sake and for your H's sake, please forgive OW. She's not worth your time anway. She doesn't deserve to live rent-ree in your mind. Also the Law of Attraction talks about we get what we persistently think about. If you think persistenyly about your H's R with OW, you'll end up getting that. It's time to shift your focus - focus on what you want, NOT what you don't want.

Love, PH

[Cinderellaman]

ANM,

I am so sorry that you are hurting so much. ((((ANM))))

When's your birthday?

The Power of a Praying Wife says that when we are unforgiving, God doesn't hear our prayers. Also unforgiveness causes us physical pain and ilness. So for your OWN sake and for your H's sake, please forgive OW. She's not worth your time anway. She doesn't deserve to live rent-ree in your mind. Also the Law of Attraction talks about we get what we persistently think about. If you think persistenyly about your H's R with OW, you'll end up getting that. It's time to shift your focus - focus on what you want, NOT what you don't want.

Love, PH

PH - thanks so much for this, I have often thought this, but I think you are VERY RIGHT !!!! Thank you for reminiding me !

[Lissie]

I will follow your advice and please pray for me and my family, too. We can use all the prayers we can get.

Mamma, we are human. Ofcourse you are in my prayers, I love those babies of yours, even tho, they are so handsome

I believe, that God is very very forgiving. And he forgives us.

YOu can do this my lovey. YOu don't have to be her best friend, you just have to release the hold that she has on you.

That is release thru forgiveness, and boy is it hard.

My prayers have been stepped up a notch lately, and I am coming to many conclusions. Talking to Pilar on her death bed, has opened my eyes, in a new way.

I have faith in you mamma.


This raises my heart, Lord: to bring out of my treasure new things and old. I do not have to abandon or reject the parts of my life that seem to have nothing to do with you, the people I have loved and lost, the seemingly irrelevant skills that were half learned. All my past belongs in that treasure. It is not just the religious experiences, but even the moments that seem sordid or horrible or selfish, have played their part in bringing me to where I am with you.

[believeinlove]

We all struggle here with trying to be forgiving when going through the horrible ache of being hurt by our Spouses.

Every morning for the last 2 years I have woken up with that whole in the bed next to me and finally some time ago started by praying right away if I was woke in a sad place. "Lord forgive me my in gratitude" and then I go on and Praise God for all creation and the wonders, and go on to Thank God for the things I have, confess again my ingratitude or whatever (not grief), and Ask God for what I need help with this day and to feel that too! and then Thank Him again because I believe that He hears and cares.

Thank you for all your posts, I haven't been posting here regularly, seems my M is over, as my WAH has now moved far away. But reading others posts here helps to keep me focused on what I can do something about.

Thanks,
believeinlove

[verycrazy]

Hi, ANM, I was reading someone else's thread when something in your post caught my eye, so I came here to look up your situation. I am glad the others set you straight about your value here, and I wanted you to know that I, too, have been praying and praying for God to send a Godly man to befriend my H, to lead him to Him.
My H is still living at home, and I don't know how much contact he has with ow, so I try hard not to think of that YKW too much.
I will, like you, if worse comes to worse, still stand for my M and wear my ring, because in God's eyes we would still be married.

You are important, and I understand how your self esteem can sometimes plummet, because I, also, had childhood issues of abuse to get over and forgive, and then to work on the low self-worth I felt.
But when someone tells me that I have done something well, it takes me aback, because I wasn't sure I had the ability.

So, I pray God will bless you and your M will get back to where God intends, when your H realizes what a booby he has been.
And releases himself from the clutches from that YKW.

L

[ANewMe]

Wow! I sure feel supported now. I have thought a lot about the posts and this situation with OW and H. Many of you who have said that I am giving her too much power, are right! I don't know how that happened again. I was doing better at working on my own life and not getting so caught up in their drama.

I have much to work on for myself. I have to work on forgiveness and patience because I am in tis for the long haul. I don't intend to stand for 3 years and then give up who ridiculous would that be.

I have to work on my Master's degree. I have until 2011 to get 18 credits or I won't be able to renew my teaching license.

My S17 is a senior now and I want to enjoy what time I have left with him. I have to plan an open house for him and it is going to be a challenge to pay for it but I will do it.

It saddens me to think how this time can never be gotten back for S17 so despite the sadness of not having his father at home with him, I have to make it a good year for him. I guess when H come back home, we will have to do our best to make it up to him.

I have to work on getting more weight off (I have gained about 5 to 10 pounds since I quit smoking) and taking better care of myself.

I have house project that I need to finish. I have some things I need to have fixed and some woodwork to strip and several rooms to paint.

It is time for me to totally turn H over to God to work on. I have to stop second guessing everything I do. I am still standing for my marriage but there is nothing I can do to accomplish that right now. I can be friendly and occasionally let him know that I am still here if the opportunity arises but I have to concentrate on me and my family.

The sadness will come and go and the day they move in together I will really suffer because his lease runs out the same weekend as my birthday because he moved out 2 years ago the day before my birthday.

I still believe on the things that makes this the hardest for me is that OW was supposed to be my friend, too. So, I was betrayed by her as well as H and another gf has taken OW's side although she keeps pretending that she hasn't.

[Valentine]

ANM, if you want your H to leave the other woman...then pray the Hedge Prayer:

BUILD A "HEDGE OF THORNS" BY PRAYER

The following prayer is an example of building a hedge of thorns around an unfaithful marriage partner:

"Heavenly Father, I ask You in the name and through the blood of the Lord Jesus Christ, to build a "hedge of thorns" around my partner. I pray that through this hedge, any other lover will lose interest and depart. I base this prayer on Your Word which commands that what You have joined together, let not man put asunder." ((Matthew 19:6)


I cannot remember who sent me that...another poster...TMAK I think...she hasn't been here in a while...

Anyway, this is a powerful prayer...pray it everyday...or when you feel like it (I think I prayed it a bazillion times!). whatever you do, do NOT stop praying for what it is that you want. Try to think positive. I know this is hard. it is hard for me sometimes too...I have to work at it really HARD some days...

Trust me, ANM...God will show you the way...if you feel lost ask Him to guide you...this always works for me...

Hugs to you....
Valentine

[ANewMe]

Thanks for the advice, Vali. I have that prayer and many others that I believe you sent me. I was praying that prayer and the Armor of God prayer everyday. Then I started reading The Power of a Praying Wife and stopped praying that one. I started it again yesterday. I am also praying that God will teach me how to forgive and be patience. I know that if I don't have a pure heart that God will not be able to hear my prayers.

Thank you for your support. I don't know what I would have done if it weren't for the support of the people on this sight.

[Rollercoasterider]

Is the fact that I can't just walk away a sign that there is something wrong with me?

You can walk away; you are choosing not to.

Is it possible since my IL's seem to be accepting OW as being "very nice" a sign that she is the right person for H and that I should just give up?

You interpret your in-laws feelings as signs from God but ignore the obvious signs that indicate the the opposite.
Come on...you know the answer to that questions. The OW is an MLCer herself. She divorced her husband, pretended to be your friend and then PREYED on your husband.
Think back to what she told you last year--Spring or early Summer about how he was gone and you shold get over it or stopp hanging on...we talked about this then. She sees what you are and what you are doing as weak. She uses this perception as leverage with YOUR husband.
Gimme a break! NO decent woman divorces her husband as she did--didn't she have an affair--and IMMEDIATELY GOES AFTER a married man who she KNOWS is in maritally confused and waivering because she is privy to such information from his wife. She DELIBERATELY went after your husband...for a few reasons.

• To Show you/prove...
• He doesn't want you (notice it has nothing to do with her being interested in him.)
• ...to herself that she isn't weak like you
• ...she can
• Because she feels out of control and needs to control someone and MLC men are easily manipulated and controlled by OWs--though they resist control from their wife

Your husband was simply convenient...and I feel that in your case this woman chose him because of you not him. It's a message to you. How sick is that?

She deliberately manipulates him against you--using the perception of your weakness as leverage. Sweetheart's OW wasn't doing this against me as is this one, she was simply desperate...but she tried this angle. She told Sweetheart that she was helping me by having him leave me because I was obviously not a stron person since I wanted to be his wife. Sweetheart told me that informationally, not believingly...and it gave me the opportunity to laugh and say nice try! It was amusing and nothing more...and by being openly amused, Sweetheart saw that I was strong, not weak--though he didn't believe her in the first place.

Don't hate her, she's clearly distrubed.

Then, consider her public behaviour at the sporting events...Wasn't she all over your husband--physically? eeeeeeeeewwwwww
The irony of trying to proves something is that it is evidence that disproves. Those with confidence don't feel the need to prove. Losers are desperate to prove they are winning. Winners simply win.

Let me tell you about Carl. Carl was a swimmer--the top swimmer on our high school and club team. One day we were doing sprint sets. Carl hit the wall to finish and lazily pushed off on his back...then swam back in. One of the little ones--* or under finished after Carl pushed off, but before he swam back. This little guy thought he beat Carl. He was so excited--Carl was his hero. He splashed up and down and yelled "I beat Carl" over and over. And what did Carl do?

He smiled, patted him on the back and said "that's right, you did." Carl was 17 at the time. That has always stuck with me.

Your OW would have sneered at the little boy and made fun of him for daring to think he could be faster.

She has something to prove because she doesn't believe it herself.

So STOP trying to justify their affair--they are not meant to be together forever. Soul mates wouldn't use each other as they are.

When I pray for a sign that I should stay the course I usually get something that indicates to me that I am on the right track but am I imagining the signs or are they real?

Cycling Faith? I knew it was just my imagination tripping me up, so I laughed it off. But I used to ask...did God give me my KNOWING so I would THINK Sweetheart would come home--though it was a lie--and thus I would learn and grow through the process? No...God doesn't do that. How about how we intepret what God tells us...that is your true fear in this issue. You so want God to say one thing, so are you hearing only what you want--through fabrication?

As our friends got married one by one after us, he still looked deeply into my eyes when they said their vows and I still saw that he meant them. How did that all change? Should we renew our vows every five years so that we maintain that feeling?

In-Fatuation and even those early romance highs are not meant for maintenance. Love grows and matures beyond that. It can be high...but it is much deeper than that.

I will be fine without H but I also know that is not the plan God has for H and I.

Good--remind yourself of this DAILY...only revise it to remove the negation.

You stated that something is NOT God's plan. So state positively what is God's plan. Post your revision...and then print it or write it on a small strip of paper--like a cookie fortune--carry it with you.

Guess what I get for my birthday this year!! H is moving into a house with OW! ...I am just horribly sad and angry. Is this the answer to my many prayers?

Probably--Happy Birthday--and I mean it. So Rejoice, this is a cause for celebration--though I wish they done it sooner. Pray the cohabitation will be the death of the relationship. Now she can really control him. He won't have space...they can fight!!! YAY!

I don't know how many more times my heart can be shattered by all of this.

As many as you let it.

I know that H and OW will not stay together, she will begin to treat H like she treated her XH and he will not stand for it for long.

Then where is this fear coming from? Why are you focusing and giving your power to someone and something you know is doomed?

You shouldn't focus or give power to it anyway. But knowing it is doomed makes taking back your power much easier. It's not knowing that causes so many to panic and cycle.

The Power of a Praying Wife says that when we are unforgiving, God doesn't hear our prayers.

...I know that if I don't have a pure heart that God will not be able to hear my prayers.

The book may say this...but I disagree...COMPLETELY. This sort of misconception is dangerous; it causes people to feel judged, guilty and to turn away from God. It fries me! God hears everything.
What is the point of praying for forgiveness...God wouldn't hear it. Wanting to forgive and doing it are not equal. Desire is merely a step.

So does God only pay attention and help those with the LEAST need? UM...NO!!!
Let's see...who did Jesus associate with...Oh, right, the tax collectors, prostitutes, lepers...sinners and diseased. We are saved by God's GRACE.

God helps all...it is just that not all accept. They don't even know they are unaccepting--self-righteous piety can make a person blind and deaf along with hardening one's heart. God abandons NO ONE.

the day they move in together I will really suffer

...if you say so.

So say something else...say you'll do a happy dance.

another gf has taken OW's side although she keeps pretending that she hasn't.

Curious...can you elaborate?

BUILD A "HEDGE OF THORNS" BY PRAYER

I BELIEVED and prayed that

• they fought
• she bitched
• she controlled
• they were miserable together

And then sometimes I'd make reference to their fighting, misery and the tight leash to Sweetheart...subtle hypnosis insurance.

It freaked him out...not in a bad or good way...he'd just shake his head and ask if I were psychic. He didn't deny...sometimes asked how I knew...I said I knew him--if what we were talking about applied to knowing him...such as misery.

It seems that your problem is one of FAITH. You say you KNOW and have experienced what I refer to as KNOWINGS...and yet you doubt.
You don't need Faith for the obvious. So of course you're not going to see 'signs' from your MLCer--until later that is. Faith is necessary (well, always...but) in the absence of logical evidence. Faith is what you rely on when the surface view shows something else. Einstein did poorly in school--EINSTEIN! If that is the only data, the evidence does not point to genius...and yet his name has become a synonym for just that.

Practice forgiving...it's a process. Quiet your heart and soul. The OW is a disturbed lady, not a hateful one. And you husband...he moves slowly...he actually postponed his major Replay until you graduated! He announced it...but that it would not take effect until... huh? Sweetheart dropped the bomb and left. He didn't say he would wait until... Okay, yes, he had a pressuring OW. But yours needs external sources of motivation. The OW is his Replay motivator...but he had conscious prewarning...weird.

So just be patient. He'll come through...eventually.

HUGS,
RCR