I was on my knees begging...and you know the rest.

[MissingMyHoney]

I had been to one other marital forum until I did a search and found this one. I ordered the DR book already and did read chapter 1 yesterday online. I come here to say my story, its not a great one but I admit to everything I have done.

My W and I have been together as a couple for a very long time. She was 18 when we initially dated, I was 31. Huge difference, it didnt matter to her. I didnt expect to be going through marital problems and so forth. Problems began since we got married. I have not been unfaithful to her even up to today. I did engage in online sex and online emotional affairs. For those things, I admit to do and I am ashamed to doing the online sex. Which she has evidence of and hold on to those evidence. I dont hold on anything she told me via email rather I delete them - I should have or maybe it dont matter.

To make a long story short, I found out she is having this emotional affair a little more than a month ago and I was totally devastated. I guess it was from the shock of it rather than anything else. To make matters worst she is moving out and now she wants me to give her another 45-60 days of stay. I dont mind doing so but every time I bring out something that relates to her she seems like I want to make her life miserable. I just agreed to extend my current lease to six months and asked her where she will be living to see if I should move closer. I didnt know she didnt wanted to move right away until today so now I know how much longer she will be living with me.

She told me that if I keep on pushing her she will never reconsider and she says it dont matter if I make changes. I realized that I should not tell her nothing about what I am doing and let her be. I have read some post where I should let her be 'free' and see if that is really what she wants. I wont contact her as often as I do. I will only ask the basics and try not to pay her too much attention and just focus on our child.

I have began counseling already, I quit drinking. I feel pretty good at times and sometimes I am outright down which reduces my work performance. Deep inside of me is so shallow. Which brings up a situation when she had our child she had a c section and I know she had a hard time getting out of bed and she told her she felt nasty since she needed to take a shower. I told her that her breathe stinks too - I didnt realize that she would have taken that comment to heart. She keeps on telling me that the comment I made hurt her feelings. She said I am very shallow. I know I am a bit sarcastic and I did reduce my comments to her as to stuff.

She is now miserable and said she cant take it anymore and I told her I wont confront her anymore about these issues. I will do what I have to do and try to do things differently and stay out of her face.