It's going to be a bumpy ride

[Trixi]

I didnt quite follow what you said. so I'll say something else in reply to that

Dating you is not him "working on the relationship". Dont say that, dont even think it.

I think you are a very, very long way from him wanting to work on the relationship. I think you are back to a similar state of "dating" him. you are in the position of convincing someone you've never dated before, that he might want to date you long-term. Sad as that may sound.
I think you're in the situation of re-proving to him, that dating you can be fun and enjoyable, and stimulating at the emotional level.
he needs to see you as more than just a physical release and housekeeper
but its something you have to attract him with, not force him or rationalize him into.

So, are you suggesting that I DO become part of the harem? Is that all I am worth as his wife?

Part of me agrees- that we need to start from scratch.

The other part says "F that! He IS married to me. I AM his wife. I am NOT going to 'compete' with God knows who, so that he can be a cake eater.

disclaimer: all these suggestions are just based on stuff I've read about other people, in my year of separation now :-/


It's interesting that he hasnt started packing.
it's pathetic that, he doesnt have "mommy" (YOU) to help him pack, so he gets real-life DADDY to help him pack.
What is he, 60? going on 70? sheesh. selfish.

Yeah. mid-60s for age, but he's in good shape. I think that my H should have used all of his great new friends to help him. Not mommy and daddy.

If he still drags his feet for some reason about actually moving, and still stays at your home.. you might play the role of slightly pushy but still appealing wife, and tell him that you want him to take you out somewhere fun (instead of him bumming around by himself "to all hours". But dont say that to HIM. this parenthesis is just for YOU.)

Right now he is at his apartment unloading furniture. The office is missing his desk, etc. It's too late for that. Besides, he would tell me 'no' anyway.

cant remember if you have kids, i think you do.. if so, make sure you have childcare so that you can stay out together AS LONG AS HE WANTS.. all night if the mood takes him.

Kids grown and out.

After reading Love Must be Tough, I think I am supposed to put my foot down and say "if you want that lifestyle I can't stop you; but i'm your wife and I will not be treated like just 'one of the many'."