OK, I've worn them out at the park and I just put in Toy Story 2, so I have a couple of minutes.
I am glad that you had a good conversation w/ H on Friday. That is great that he took the LL test and is willing to talk w/ you about that kind of thing.
Yes, you should definitely go ahead and take the kids to your parents. If you want you could tell them that H had to work or had other plans, but you might want to consider just telling your parents what is going on. I know that I waited a long time before telling my parents, now I think I waited too long. I am not sure what your reasons are for not wanting to tell them, but some of them may be the same reasons I had--- didn't want to upset them, didn't want them to think badly of H, didn't want them to get involved in a way that wouldn't help. It is really hard, though, to be around people, especially ones you are close to like your parents, and not have them know what is going on with you. It will eat you up almost as much as the sitch itself does. If you do decide to tell them, you don't have to go into every detail and you can tell them that the best way that they can help you is to allow you and H to work out your issues on your own.
You mentioned the alone time that H is getting and it made me remember how resentful I used to get of H when he still lived here. He would just take off whenever he felt like it, leaving me w/ the kids. On the weekends, he slept in and took naps and I kept thinking, "When is MY nap?" I know that an S is not what you want, but I will tell you that the alone time you get when H has the kids is pretty nice. I was thinking the other day, how I don't have that issue of resenting H because I didn't get any time alone, because now I have just the right amt. of alone time. Now would I rather have my marriage intact then have alone time? Of course! But now I am seeing how important it is to have time to myself and I am going to make it more of a priority in my next R (either w/ H or someone else).
Sorry about the crazy morning. That sounds all too familiar.
OK, I've worn them out at the park and I just put in Toy Story 2, so I have a couple of minutes.
I love that movie! S7 was really into Toy STory when he was your s' age. Thanks for keeping up with me.
Originally Posted By: ItsKat
Yes, you should definitely go ahead and take the kids to your parents. If you want you could tell them that H had to work or had other plans, but you might want to consider just telling your parents what is going on. I know that I waited a long time before telling my parents, now I think I waited too long. I am not sure what your reasons are for not wanting to tell them, but some of them may be the same reasons I had--- didn't want to upset them, didn't want them to think badly of H, didn't want them to get involved in a way that wouldn't help.
Yes, those are all reasons that I don't want to tell them, but there's one more. My dad and H had a falling out a couple of years ago over a minor misunderstanding, and I sense that my dad, who can hold a grudge forever, never really got over it (although he said he had). I don't want to give him any more ammo to use against H. If I were closer to my parents, I might feel differently, but we don't have the kind of relationship where we can talk about everything and anything. I just don't want them to be involved at this point.
Originally Posted By: ItsKat
I know that an S is not what you want, but I will tell you that the alone time you get when H has the kids is pretty nice. I was thinking the other day, how I don't have that issue of resenting H because I didn't get any time alone, because now I have just the right amt. of alone time. Now would I rather have my marriage intact then have alone time? Of course! But now I am seeing how important it is to have time to myself and I am going to make it more of a priority in my next R (either w/ H or someone else).
That's definitely a good way to look at it. H and I were more likely to give each other alone time, but we didn't do enough "us time." I think that was one of our major problems.
Originally Posted By: ItsKat
Sorry about the crazy morning. That sounds all too familiar.
H and I had lunch together today for the first time in weeks. No R talk, just talked about work and the news. He's been talking about work alot lately and I've been trying hard to really pay attention and validate. In retrospect, I think I used to cut him off or change the subject alot. How horrible.
Not much more contact today besides a quick hello in the morning and a family dinner, which was fine. He cooked on the new grill. Can grilling be a key to happiness? I hope so.
I need to go back and look at my goals and re-work my GAL strategy. I've been lax on doing new things, but have been good about getting together with friends and doing fun things with the kids. I think my attitude has been good the last 2 days, so I just need to keep it up.
C session is scheduled for this afternoon. I haven't mentioned it to H until this morning when he was leaving for work. I said "Oh, I have that appointment this afternoon." He didn't say anything, so I think I will be going solo. I guess I'm OK w/that. More later...
Did you intentionally wait till today to tell him with the idea that if you did he would not be able to go?
Me: 46 Wife: 39 D: 13 S: 11, 9, 7 Bomb 3.2.07, Sep Same Day, D papers 11.1.07 Current Status - Wants to take me through Discovery, I will go to prison first.
Did you intentionally wait till today to tell him with the idea that if you did he would not be able to go?
Hi CVA- He was with me when I made the appointment at the last session, and he knows that I want him to be there. I had made the decision (wrote about it earlier in the thread) that I didn't want to pressure or push him to go to C. When he called me earlier today, I asked if he had heard what I said about the appt this morning (sometimes I just cannot stop my big mouth!), he said he had but he wasn't sure if he's be going. Ugh.
Sorry I didnt see that No biggie, I do the same thing on not keeping my mouth shut, something like "hello, did you hear me?".
Me: 46 Wife: 39 D: 13 S: 11, 9, 7 Bomb 3.2.07, Sep Same Day, D papers 11.1.07 Current Status - Wants to take me through Discovery, I will go to prison first.
)
How horrible.