Yes, from time to time. Note that I have tended to operate from a position of "mea culpa" on the budget issues. I screwed up my finances and our finances a couple of times before she took it all over. Since then, I'm much more disciplined, but when she shows me a sheet of paper that shows the amount of extra time she has put in above and beyond the equivalent of a 40 hour week, and the amount of a bonus she gets because of that time, or, perhaps, a sheet showing the amount of money she's received as a gift from a relative, and says, "this is the money I'm using to buy the dog, pay for the retreat, etc," it's not that I even care, really. The only time I "care" is when I have, what I would say is the equivalent kind of cash -- "F@ck you money" is what my mom would call it, money you can use for whatever the F you want -- and she gets all grouchy about it.
The thing is, when I do "take a stand" on something, it tends to end up like this. Full of sound and fury. Resulting in -- nothing.
Do you need her permission on this? What will she do if you just go? Retaliate? Or respect you more? You don't have to convince her that you are entitled to go... you only have to convince yourself.
How long does she get to hold your dropping the ball on the finances over your head? Forever? Time to revisit that deal.
Originally Posted By: hairdog
And fearless: I don't ignore my wife's issues on most things. When I do, it is more out of forgetfullness or lack of awareness, than it is volitional. And I have to say that my forgetfullness is not just a passive aggressive thing. It's part of my ADD. And, as I told her this morning, I'm doing a lot better at remembering things than I used to be. She asked me how I measured that, and I told her it was subjective. She said, she didn't think I was any better about remembering. I said I thought I was. How is THAT going to get resolved?
Are you on medication? If not, see a doctor and get on it... it really helps. You'll probably have to change it up a few times to really get on track, but stay with it.
And make sure she knows you're on it. That shows her you're taking concrete steps to improve yourself and better meet her needs as well as yours.
Keep a journal. Maybe here, maybe elsewhere, and note honestly what you've forgotten and what you've remembered, where you dropped the ball and where you caught it and held on to it, and whatever else seems worth remembering for the long term. Maybe you'll end up showing it to her, maybe not. But at least you'll know, and knowing that you're doing your part well enough will confer some immunity within your mind to her rants, and maybe that knowing will give you confidence that convinces her.
Last edited by Crazy Eddie; 08/02/0707:37 PM.
a fine and enviable madness, this delusion that all questions have answers, and nothing is beyond the reach of a strong left arm.
