Hmmm...you know I went through the OM wondering too...especially when there was this one single guy who seemed to be always with H...got H to smoke a cigar with him and H hates...HATES any kind of smoking...so yes, that did cross my mind...and my friend asked me about it at about the same time...sooooo...I know that feeling...
Believe me...I thought my H was too far gone also...but you just never know...I almost believe in miracles now...but his debt reminds me that there is no miracle happening there...
And...I think I really came into my sexual peak (actually my 2nd peak if you count my teen years) when I was about 37-38 and it is still rolling and I am now 45...unfortunately for me my H is dealing with some serious ED issues...ones that even the little blue pill X 2 doesn't seem to affect at times...but I can say that it isn't all about intercourse...because where there is a will there is a way...I won't say that I am totally satisfied with our love life but since I was without while he was gone I won't complain....and I figure I owe it to him since he held out for me through the baby years when it wasn't so great for me...
SR2...you might see if you can cash those reward points in for a gift card to Shaper Image!....they have an awesome massage chair that will send even a man to the moon, lol...
I see how it is. So you're saying I'm not good enough for you? I get it, damaged goods eh? Fine be that way...lol
Me: 32|W: 34|D: 3yo 1st bomb: Feb 2006 (left one day, came back a week later) 2nd bomb: Aug 2006 (moved out, ILYBNILWY) 3rd bomb: Apr 2007 (filed for divorce) 4th bomb: <her finger on the launch button>
Sorry Max P I did not intend to give an alarm. Although I was ready to be a WAW! So I guess I have some insight into that. I was ready to throw away a man I had known and loved for many , many years, but he beat me to the punch because he had someone waiting in the wings. My therapist mentioned that women may walk away without OM waiting but it is often not the case for men. The most common reason for them to walk away is the OW, even if it just a fantasy.
I have met a really interesting person but I am scared stiff. I just want my H to know that someone else could be interested in me? Is that not DBing? Is that playing with fire? I am lonely and especially hurt that my H would pick someone so young. That is extremely insulting. I am not even sure if I could ever look at myH now that I know how gross he is. Dare I say I think of him as a dirty old man! Just above the disdain I may reserve for a pedophile. His OW is extremely small and juvenile like a Nicole Ritchie. Not to make comparisons but I am much more like a Selena type because I eat steak. Oh, did I mention the man I know looks like David Beckham? Can I just use him for revenge against my H?
Me:38 H:39 MLC M:10 R:23 years D6 S3 Bomb: Easter, 2007 "Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day."
mkultra, let me roll my sleeves up and sit right down and share MY experience from yesterday. you might appreciate it.
my day started much like every day this week, with me still in a bit of a mood and wanting to stop db-ing, I mean, what's the point? had a chat with my friend about things, and she made me promise not to do anything for at least a week...never do anything in anger and all that. but it just feels like the nails are in the coffin, ya know?
before H came over, I ended up calling a guy...not one I know irl, just one I've been chatting online with that offered to let me vent/give me the male perspective. good conversation, was actually laughing a bit with it, which was nice, and h came in for his visit with the kids. I was upstairs, didn't come right down because I was on the phone. H comes upstairs, realizes I was on the phone, I told him I'd be right down. finished up my conversation, got ready for the gym, and went downstairs.
let the interrogation begin. I had decided to try to be more a woman of mystery...after all, he doesn't tell me where he is/what he is doing (or who, for that matter). so he asked who was on the phone and I was vague, just said a friend. long story short, that didn't go over very well...he would not let it go, and I would not tell him. I did answer honestly when he asked if I was seeing someone (no). then did the non-db'g thing and fired back, "are you?" he actually had the balls to say no. HA! ass. I also offered to compare phone records, which he said wasn't the same thing (???????)
this continued throughout the day/night, I would go out, come home, he would continue to make a big deal about it...accusing me of making a big deal about it by not telling him who it was.
long story short, he actually grabbed my cell phone out of my purse and got the number off of it. worse, after he left, he actually CALLED the guy. thankfully he didn't leave a message, and don't expect him to follow up with it further, but omg. wtf was that about? I was floored.
anyway, I'm not really sure this changes anything, in fact, I'm sure it doesn't. but damn, that wasn't the reaction I expected, had I expected any at all. and it was kind of funny (if I didn't feel like such a jerk that H actually got the guy's number).
oooh, but a beckham look-alike? hmmm...well...hmmm...okay, gonna go think about that one for a bit. mmmmm...sweet, sweet thoughts.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
Well my H also had a much younger OW...close enough to be a sister to his own D's...so, yes, I know that feeling...but it isn't really fair to use another person to fuel your revenge...in fact it isn't fair to get another person, especially of the opposite sex involved in your life if you are still on the fence...I hear what you are saying about your feelings toward your H...and I can totally relate...but...and I know I hated the "buts"...until it is all over...and usually for sometime after...you have your own healing to do...and you must do it on your own because to use someone else in this process just stalls you where you left off and believe me this will come back to bite you in the "but"...
Be especially cautious of the online stuff that goes "off line"...btdt and it isn't what it seems when you finally meet IRL...and even if it is...well, you are playing fire!
Morgan...my H didn't even care that OM was calling me...or so he acted that way...sounds like yours atleast feels jealousy...mine didn't even feel that...but for future reference...don't be tooooo mysterious so as to have go into an argument like that...I always told H his name and that he was a new friend...and he did know that I didn't personally know him but that he was just someone I enjoyed talking to...yours might still get jealous in which case I would ask "Do you want me to stop talking to him?"...and my reply to anything he said would be "I think you know the answer to that."...but every H is different so you do what is best...and you now know that being too mysterious about "a friend" doesn't go well with yours...but then maybe this might bring about a change in him...who knows...
you know, I'm not even sure it was the fact that I was talking to a man on the phone, but that it was the fact that I wasn't completely open about it. I tell him everything, he tells me nothing, or tells me stuff, but they are lies. so why do I tell him everything? I'm the only one in the relationship NOT doing anything. and I was upfront about that, I'm not. I'm the only one still wearing my ring. I'm the only one who is celibate.
I'm surprised by his reaction, but guess I shouldn't be. because like everything else, its not about me, its about the fact that suddenly he doesn't have full knowledge/control....its not like a lighbulb moment for him, like, oh, he suddenly loves me again or something. its more like, he has his life so well arranged...me waiting in the wings, her in his bed. he's the puppet master, I tell him everything, he tells me nothing. and maybe me holding back gave him pause, but guessing even if it did, its a fleeting thing.
I need to remind myself that this doesn't mean anything. and trust me, telling H the guy's name wouldn't have mattered...he wants details. where did I meet him? well, I'm not going to tell him that. first, this was literally a PHONE call, nothing more. second, well, why do I have to answer to him? maybe if I was a better liar, like he is, I would have just said immediately that it was my friend x from so and so. or when he called the guy, I could have just said he was a friend from college or whatever. but I guess that's just not me. but maybe it needs to be. I don't know. I don't know the answers. I don't think I should tell him I met him online...I think that would freak him out, and not in a good way. again, I have not led him to believe there is anything going on. I haven't. I have been very upfront, I'm not seeing anyone. but at the same time, I guess talking to a man he doesn't know is enough? I'm blathering on here.
if he asks, I think I will ask him your question...I like that. "do you want me to stop talking to him?" I seriously wonder what he would say if I said that.
Last edited by morgan; 08/02/0704:38 PM.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
It sounds like we have the same attitude Morgan. I have always been so confident in my marriage it wasn't even funny. My H is a sweet nerdy type and I am a sporty Island type. We have always been a cute oddball couple and I never had a jealous bone in my body. These feeling are very new to me. I have no idea how to handle it best. I never even thought another preson could be interested in either one of us because we have been so immersed in each others' lives. We are Mommy and Daddy, not Brad and Angelina! We are just those plain folks that only had eyes for each other. Neither one of us can even flirt we are so self conscious!
Me:38 H:39 MLC M:10 R:23 years D6 S3 Bomb: Easter, 2007 "Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day."
I think your phone call was part of DBing because he may just want to know you choose him, not just stuck with each other. I hate jealousy but it certainly opened my eyes!
Me:38 H:39 MLC M:10 R:23 years D6 S3 Bomb: Easter, 2007 "Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day."
Sorry, I do not know how to do that quotte thing. I agree that phoning internet people is playing with fire. No matter how much we have in common I need my anonymity in this place so I can feel safe to vent. I would not even tell my closes friends some of the stuff I have said here. Isn't that funnY!
Me:38 H:39 MLC M:10 R:23 years D6 S3 Bomb: Easter, 2007 "Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day."
