And Hdog contributed to this situation as equally as she did.
Hdog, do you tend to ask her "permission" and does she tend to just TELL you what she's doing? Did you and she make the decision about the puppy or did you just let her do it?
I do tend to ask "permission." Or (hanging head in NG shame), I hide things from her, to avoid making waves. This, I have resolved, HAS to stop. And although she usually discusses her plans with me (note, no "permission" seeking), occasionally she'll spring something on me with little warning. The bigger problem is with me asking/telling her about something I want to do. And that is one element of the current situation.
As far as the puppy was concerned, I supported her decision. She did seek my assent, if not my permission. She's been the one coming home at lunch to let the puppy out, and getting up in the middle of the night to let it out. At least so far.
Originally Posted By: MrsNop
Have you ever verbally disagreed with her and taken a stand regarding budget, scheduling, housework, food, etc.? If you have, what was her response? If you haven't, why not?
Yes, from time to time. Note that I have tended to operate from a position of "mea culpa" on the budget issues. I screwed up my finances and our finances a couple of times before she took it all over. Since then, I'm much more disciplined, but when she shows me a sheet of paper that shows the amount of extra time she has put in above and beyond the equivalent of a 40 hour week, and the amount of a bonus she gets because of that time, or, perhaps, a sheet showing the amount of money she's received as a gift from a relative, and says, "this is the money I'm using to buy the dog, pay for the retreat, etc," it's not that I even care, really. The only time I "care" is when I have, what I would say is the equivalent kind of cash -- "F@ck you money" is what my mom would call it, money you can use for whatever the F you want -- and she gets all grouchy about it.
The thing is, when I do "take a stand" on something, it tends to end up like this. Full of sound and fury. Resulting in -- nothing.
And fearless: I don't ignore my wife's issues on most things. When I do, it is more out of forgetfullness or lack of awareness, than it is volitional. And I have to say that my forgetfullness is not just a passive aggressive thing. It's part of my ADD. And, as I told her this morning, I'm doing a lot better at remembering things than I used to be. She asked me how I measured that, and I told her it was subjective. She said, she didn't think I was any better about remembering. I said I thought I was. How is THAT going to get resolved?
I'm all for listening to her. I know it is frustrating for her to feel unheard. I feel the same way.
