She will go to N. Illinois, leaving me to "hold down the fort" while she visits her family, or she will leave me to "hold down the fort" while she goes on a three-day cancer walk, or a weekend residential retreat,

Hmmmm very interesting. I detect a trend where she goes off and spends time DOING THINGS FOR OTHERS - family, charity, work. You very well might find just as bad as a reaction about the hiking trip because it is something you are doing purely for "fun." It's not your fault at all but she may feel like she always is taking care of others and may be jealous that you would be able to consider taking some time for fun. In that sense she is the martyr who is always taking care of other people's needs and doing what she HAS to do. I don't doubt she has control issues but I think there are other things at play also.

In that sense you have some choices of how to handle things right now:

1) You could see if any guys you know are interested in working with Habitat for Humanity or some other volunteer organization for a few days together.
2) If you do decide to just go to Tucson, then FORCE her to take a weekend to do something FUN.
3) Deal with this issue directly - BIG TOPIC!!
4) ETC.



But what is happiness except the simple harmony between a man and the life he leads? ~Albert Camus