Some answers: Mrs.Nop: she stopped drinking wine when she started her diet, which was on Sunday of this week. She was having 2-3 glasses each night up until then. Part of the way she justifies spending money on the food is that she won't be spending it on wine. My thinking: she has been on diets before and on stop-drinking-wine "binges." Neither lasts for too long. She was on Weight Watchers for several months in 2005, but eventually stopped that. She's given up wine/beer for, at most, a couple months at a time.
Fearless: Who makes the most money in your household? It's close, especially when you consider that a chunk is going to my ex for child support, but she probably grosses a bit less than me. Who works the most hours? Another close one, but probably she does. I work a 40 hour week, and hers vary, but are probably closer to 45. What percentage of the time do your kids from your first marriage spend with you? About 45 percent (from Wednesday evening at 7pm until, alternately, Saturday at 10 am or Sunday at 9am). What things does your wife do daily or weekly for relaxation and enjoyment? Reads, watches tv, up until last weekend she'd drink wine, surfs the internet, plays with her new puppy (bought with 'her' money she earned by working 'extra hours'). She plays with our DD6. What do you do daily or weekly? Watch tv, read, and that seems like it. I have been spending a lot of my "spare" time lately stripping wallpaper and preparing walls for painting in our kitchen, which we are re-doing. I spend a lot of time doing yardwork or other household projects, but I wouldn't say I do that for relaxation, or that it's particularly enjoyable. I play with our DD6. I spend time with my older kids.
And just for the record, our finances are in pretty good shape. We just hired a weekly cleaning lady (her Father's Day present to me). We're re-doing our kitchen. We have money in our budget for the ~$2,000 tree service which is coming out next week to rid our lawn of dead Elm trees and other tree-related problems. We just made the last payment on our minivan. We contribute to college funds, but we're 'okay' so far on the amounts that are going into them.
Seriously, when she was discussing with me the possibility of the cleaning service last month, she seemed very positive about out finances. This is more of a, "OUR money situation is fine, but you should be spending any extra money YOU have on YOUR kids, and maybe on YOUR wife. Not on YOURself."
Hairdog
OK, a few more questions.
1. What kind of crack is she smoking?
She can spend 'her' money on a new puppy ($200 easily within the first few months, even if the puppy is "free"), but you have to spend every penny you get hold of over and above your existing obligations on anything but yourself?
She's essentially saying that your obligations are unlimited, that no matter how much you make, you owe it all to someone else. That won't fly. Any bankruptcy court in the civilized world would laugh at that idea and toss it out in a heartbeat, no matter how much money was owed or how little was paid.
And if y'all make about the same amount of money, either your finances are joint, in which case you both should have some "personal" funds in the budget, or they're not, in which case you split expenses and each keep what's left over after you've paid your share.
2. Whose idea was it to redo the kitchen? To cut down the trees? I have a strong feeling it wasn't yours. But you're spending a lot of hours on it. That ought to count for something. If she doesn't think so, you might as well stop doing it.
3. Are you current on your child support obligations? Is she paying any part of your child support? If she is, time to redo the budget. If not, tell her she's free to give your children monetary gifts when they're grown for whatever purpose she pleases, but you are not placed in her debt thereby.
a fine and enviable madness, this delusion that all questions have answers, and nothing is beyond the reach of a strong left arm.
