Thanks guys, I hear ya! The funny thing is that I know i've come a long way already. I believe everything on here now, I never would've thought I could feel as good as I do. Other than the big hit the other day, and the stray bad thought, I feel pretty good lately. Venting and getting the re-assurance helps kick me to a higher level.
Me 31 W 28 D 2 1/2 Together 8 years, Friends for 13 years S Bomb fathers day 2007 Found out about EA on 07/29/07 Working on me!!!
Great Will. Rough times will more than likely return (or more than likely multiple times), but they get fewer and farther in between and the also get less intense.
M 39 W 39 M'd 10 yrs; T 14 yrs S7 D4 Bomb 5-8-05 W not working on M 1-22-07; EA 2-22 DB 4-10 S 6-11 No more C Link
Hey Will, Don't let this get you down too much. You sound like you are in a better place than I am since it sounds like she is talking to you about things. I had to skim thru most of your posts. I think that I would be alot happier if I had some of what you have but I know anything less than together is tough.
She is talking to you about remaining friends which is a good thing and that is what you should hold on too. Alot of friends develop a very loving relationship. Concentrate right now on just working to be a good friend to her. Sort of like you have to crawl before you walk. Once she feels good with you as a friend then work on taking it to the next step. I would be even happy if my H would be dealing with me as a friend as he talks more to our friends then he ever talked to me. He would talk to them the whole time at a party but never ever said one word to me.
BTW, where are you a policeman at in NJ? Are you anywhere close to Avalon. I think that is the name, next to Stone Harbor. My H will be there from Aug 9-15. Do you think that you can go throw him in jail for 2 days saying that he is on suspicians for the murders of those 3 girls in AC? BTW, has anybody been arrested for those murders? When I first heard about them, I told my family that I wouldn't be surprised if my brother was responsible because he was always off. Strange personality like the ones that you read about and he does live in AC. LOL
Me: 41 H: 39 D: 6 S: 4 M-14 T-16 first bomb: 5-12-07 (M dead doesn't really want to work things out.) second bomb: 6-4-2007 (found note he wrote about wanting desperately to be with OW and would have to give up everything) Kelley
I would be even happy if my H would be dealing with me as a friend as he talks more to our friends then he ever talked to me. He would talk to them the whole time at a party but never ever said one word to me.
Be an unconditional friend. Don't expect anything in return. It will mean less if they think you are trying to manipulate them because you want something. Also, if you manage expectations (as in don't have any), you will not be as disappointed.
Kelley, you can still be a friend to H even if he is not returning it now. Just do what you can. And don't get sidetracked because he isn't meeting your needs right now. He can't. Not yet.
Nomo
M 39 W 39 M'd 10 yrs; T 14 yrs S7 D4 Bomb 5-8-05 W not working on M 1-22-07; EA 2-22 DB 4-10 S 6-11 No more C Link
Kelley, you can still be a friend to H even if he is not returning it now. Just do what you can. And don't get sidetracked because he isn't meeting your needs right now. He can't. Not yet. Nomo
Very powerful insight. Especially the last 4 words. Wow, that clicked another lightbulb for me.
Me 32 WAW 30 D Bomb 7/9 Separated 7/15 Reiterated bomb 8/12 PA 8/21 http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...rue#Post1198643
Thanks for the encouragement guys! Kelley, thanks for checking in, and your right.
I look at everone else's sitches, and think that yea mine is tough, but it could be much worse. I'm trying to learn to ignore/ dismiss the negatives and live for me and D. Hope wife comes around, but if not I'll work it out. I'm starting to believe this more and more, and it's making me feel like a better person. My big thing now, is working out, and having tons of fun with D. She's 2, and it's such a fun age. We go to the park, the beach, visiting family, swimming, chuck-e-cheese, etc. She's so cute and innocent, it just makes my heart melt. She gives me all of the love and support I need, and doesn't even know it :). Working out is goin better, few more weeks like this and i'll be "in shape". Then I can work towards getting bigger, faster, and whatever else I want.
Your encouragement means more than you know. I can now check the internet on my new PDA. If I get "thinking" about my sitch while working, I take my break and logon to DBing. I read your posts yesterday, and it got me right back on track. I thought you should all know how much you help, thanks. Catch ya later.
Me 31 W 28 D 2 1/2 Together 8 years, Friends for 13 years S Bomb fathers day 2007 Found out about EA on 07/29/07 Working on me!!!
Will Working out helps me so much and I like the "back in shape" comment - obviously!
That time w/ your D sounds just awesome.
CVA
Me: 46 Wife: 39 D: 13 S: 11, 9, 7 Bomb 3.2.07, Sep Same Day, D papers 11.1.07 Current Status - Wants to take me through Discovery, I will go to prison first.
I believe that guys in or from jersey have one problem in common. We believe that the male must be in charge of conversations and we tend to overtalk everything.
Another Jersey guy here in the same boat.
Originally Posted By: sofaraway
Your W is aware that friendship is the core to solid relationships and marriages. Most women are. She is telling you she doesnt want to deal with or think about the R, do you know why? She doesn't know what she wants right now, she hasnt given up on your marriage yet, she's just not sure so talking about your R appears to be encouragement to her and she doesnt want to encourage you about something that may not happen.
My sitch sounds so similar to Willing's. This is great advice and helps to get my head in the right place.
