Is there any other family members who can help watch the kids when you go to work? If things do get legal it really will be in your favor to have primary custody so I'm not sure why you're pushing him to spend time with them. I realize you are doing this for them. Yes, it's important for them to have a father in their life. But right now I really think it would be much more effective for him to feel what it's like to "lose" them. The less he begins seeing them the more opportunity he'll have to miss them. This may take a bit of time, but eventually it will happen. I'd keep the kids with me as much as possible and document it. Also, this will keep OW from having less contact with them as well. I understand the kids want to see their dad and will miss him hugely, however, it may be better for them to have less contact with him while all this drama is going on. You could explain to them that right now Daddy is going through a difficult time and needs some time away from the family. Eventually things will settle down and their dad will feel better and want to spend more time with them. Explain that sometimes people get confused in their lives, it has nothing to do with them (the kids), he still loves them deeply, but he needs alot of time alone to think about things.
So stop contacting him and start focusing on you and the kids. Imagine he just died in a car crash and you need to build up a life without him in it. Let him go...
Also, if I were you I'd open a separate bank account and start depositing my own checks there. You don't want his financial irresponsibility affecting you and the kids.
One more thing... have you considered a possible job change? Maybe this would be a good time to consider looking at other opportunities. Perhaps a better position? Better pay? Yeeeeeeah!
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
