It is so good to see that you have reached a better place emotionally. It sounds like you are really getting on with things, fantastic.
Who knows what the future holds for you? Hope, regardless of what happens, there will always be a positive outcome for you, whether it is with reconciling in 6 months or two years, or whether it is starting a R with someone new.
From reading your sitch, it sounds like you really have improved "personally", and this nightmare you have lived in for the last 9 months has made you stronger.
I feel the same as you in regards to losing my best friend, partner, lover and most of all, family. It was hard for me to accept that our R breakdown took only 12 months to achieve (after 15 years of bliss, W has even agreed to this). I don't know what it is with OP's, but the euphoria does make people behave irrationally, and they will eventually realise this when it wears off.
I should really be thanking my W for making me see this, and giving me the opportunity to begin a new chapter in my life, possibly an even happier one. I hope you see this as an opportunity for yourself as well, you are still so young and have so much to look forward to.
Anyway, enough ramblings by me,.
All the best Hope. AndyV
AndyV M38 W36 D7 M 13 years Together 17 years W wants D mid Dec 06 (ring off) W wants separation early Jan 07 (she backdated to Oct 06) EA revealed end March 07 (Nov 06 W first meeting with OM) Hallmark moment "I care for you but am no longer in love with you."
From reading your sitch, it sounds like you really have improved "personally", and this nightmare you have lived in for the last 9 months has made you stronger.
Thanks Andy. I really appreciate the kind words. I do feel like I am a better person. There are definately things that I need to continue to work on, so I can be the best person that I can and move on to better things. They say whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger...I'm still living, so I have to be stronger.
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I should really be thanking my W for making me see this, and giving me the opportunity to begin a new chapter in my life, possibly an even happier one. I hope you see this as an opportunity for yourself as well, you are still so young and have so much to look forward to.
I have a feeling in a year or so, I will be thanking my H also. Honestly, I am not that much unhappier right now than I was with my H. I would like to have someone to share my life with, but it is the not the be all and end all of life. I have never in my life just lived for myself. I have been living for H for the last 11 years...this is giving me a chance to find who I really am. I have been faced with more stuff in my 20's than a lot of people face in their entire lives. One of my good friends from work told me that my life is her worst nightmare. She didn't mean it in a bad way...I actually took it in a good way. If I can survive this nightmare, and she still wants to be my friend....I am doing good because she may have learned something from my mess and she definately has been there for me. In the end we are going to be the winners....we might not save our marriages...we might not get to be with our spouses...but we will be stronger, wiser, and better people. This sort of thing makes people bitter or better and all of us on hear are trying for better.
Hope, You are doing a great job. When this first happened to me. I told my friends/co-workers my H's "complaints" I didn't cook enough, clean enough,etc. They were like oh my goodness, that could be me. In the world we live in now with both spouses working we can't be superwoman as well as suzy homemaker.
I keep thinking this is happening for a reason. I'm sure it is for you also. It's the fear of the unknown, but the marriages we had weren't healthy. I'd be lying if I said I don't have feelings still for my H, but it's for the H I married, not this new confused person.
You are a wonderful inspiration. You give me hope. So you can see your "new" name is fitting.
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon
I told my friends/co-workers my H's "complaints" I didn't cook enough, clean enough,etc.
My H's biggest "complaints" were that I was too picky of an eater, wasn't a very good cook, and that he didn't like the way my parents treated us vs. my sister and her husband. I'm the middle child and I'm fine with the way they treat me...they just didn't ooh and ahh over him like he wanted. Neither of these things changed since H and I started dating when I was 16. He knew what he was getting into...now 11 years later...I'm impossible to live with. Amazing how that all happened after we couldn't get pregnant for all those years and he stumbled across OW. The only thing that she's got going for her is that she is "supposedly" a good cook. That should get her far in life...forget about morals or being kind and considerate...watch out she can cook.
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It's the fear of the unknown, but the marriages we had weren't healthy.
I definately have fear, but I agree that my marriage wasn't healthy. I need to work on understanding what a healthy relationship should be before I jump into something else...hopefully, it well help me avoid more heartache. I think that I let him control too much. I do believe that I am a great catch...I think I'll be okay just have to get past the fear.
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You are a wonderful inspiration. You give me hope.
Thank you. It means a whole lot to hear that everyone thinks I'm handling things the best that I can. We will get through this.
My H's biggest "complaints" were that I was too picky of an eater, wasn't a very good cook, and that he didn't like the way my parents treated us vs. my sister and her husband.
They will come up with any excuse to justify their actions. It is funny at first I was perfect and never did anything wrong....now she has a laundry list of cliche that she learned in WAW 101.
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I'm the middle child
Middle children rock....Even though I am the middle child I was the only unplanned kid for my parents. ssshhh they do not know that I know this. My Mom admitted this to my W awhile back and asked her not to say anything to me about it.
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I do believe that I am a great catch...
I believe YoYo and you are great catches. The only thing you ladies have to fear is breaking the hearts of all the guys that are going to be knocking on your doors. Guys are going to be lined up for miles just for the chance to have a date with you two.
They do...I think that they are some of the stronger people around. Do I see another pattern here? The more we disclose about ourselves...the more we have in common with others on here. I'm not surprised at all that you are the middle child. We seem to have very similar personalities and ways with dealing with things. My H is the youngest of 11...he's the baby and now he's definately acting the part. You can see why his Mom is having such a hard time with this. She raised 11 kids and my H was the last one that she thought would go off the deep end. She cannot fathom that her son is treating people like this...just goes to show that you never know.
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The only thing you ladies have to fear is breaking the hearts of all the guys that are going to be knocking on your doors. Guys are going to be lined up for miles just for the chance to have a date with you two.
Thanks, you are too sweet. There was one guy that actually put a note in my mailbox a couple of months ago asking me out for dinner...I guess he wanted to be first in line. Told H about it and his response was that isn't a very good approach...oh that's right, H is so much smoother, he just picks women up in bars. All I can say is that as long as there are a couple of nice guys like yourself in the line, we should be in good shape.
At the hearing Tuesday I met OW's husband and his family for the first time, very nice people. His brother kept telling me what an attractive woman I was and I would have no trouble finding someone. After the hearing was over. OW's husband, his brother, his PI (who was a very pretty petite woman and very nice, not the stereotype I was expecting),my friend who went to support me, and myself went for margaritas afterwards. We were sitting having a good time and laughing about the adulterers getting caught with their hand in the cookie jar. The brother said Kim, when your divorce is final and all, you need to call me and we need to go out. I was caught so offguard that I said ummm....okay. That's pretty funny when you get hit on at a divorce hearing of the person that broke up your marriage.
Scott, what I wouldn't give to find a man in the future like you. You are so kind and compassionate. All of the men on here would be catches. You all put your marriages on a pedestal, if not you wouldn't be here. You are a strong moral man. I wish I had married a man like my dad. I think the men on here are like him.
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon
His brother kept telling me what an attractive woman I was and I would have no trouble finding someone.
It really helps to hear this sort of thing. One of my co-workers saw me walking into work one day and didn't realize it was me at first. He told me I don't want you to take this the wrong way, but your H is absolutely insane...you won't have any trouble finding anyone. I just keep hearing that over and over. When H described me to his parents for the first time, he told them that I looked like a barbie...I guess because I'm tall, thin, and have long blond hair. I am 10 years older now, but because of the infidelity diet, I think I weigh less than I did then, so hopefully, I will still be in good shape.
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That's pretty funny when you get hit on at a divorce hearing of the person that broke up your marriage.
That's funny. At least it wasn't OW's H that hit on you. That would have be a little too weird.
