okay, before you even said he wrote it for what it used to be I totally new that was the problem. I was imagining him trying to figure out if he should pay more or not.
Maybe it's his insecurity with you? maybe I have absolutely no clue. But definitely theirs something wrong with his ego. He shouldn't be so frustrated with himself so of course my thinking goes towards depression problems.
Hey, remember the story in DR about the W who kept trying to help the disabled guy to find a job and stuff? Then Michelle said, why don't you get some nursing home brochures and say H, I realize now that I need to accept your disability and blah blah.
Not that I want you to totally validate his "inabilities", but it's just a thought.
anyways, hope today was a good day...I'm glad your doing better too.
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
Thanks ST! What's weird is we've made 2 house payments since he officially moved home, so it's not like this is the first one. At that time we did sit down and agreed on amounts, and said we could revisit later if we wanted to. So I'm not sure why it was such a weird deal - instead of sitting down and looking at it again together it was this whole big secretive/mystery thing.
One of the kind of hurtful things he said in one of our bad convos last week was that he liked "the life that we have now, I know I couldn't have all the financial stuff without you" (made me feel like total dirt in a lot of ways, to "only" be wanted because I'm good at helping with the finances and helping fund his lifestyle... but I tried to see the positive in it and let it roll off).
Oh well.. red balloons, like SD suggested!
As for the rest, I agree that there's some depression going on. I'm hoping that the MC can help some... I know I can't.
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
Thanks Donna. I feel human tonight and it feels sooo good.
Did some (very) early Christmas shopping, now cooking for a potluck at work tomorrow.
I finally met the infamous "Dave" (names changed to protect the innocent). This "friend" started appearing in conversation about the time H started seeing PW again. Every time he was gone mysteriously he was hanging out with "Dave." I had started to wonder if the guy even existed... well, he does, and he's really nice! He's over tonight working with H in the garage. H introduced me and he said "Your H is a whiz!! You're one lucky woman." hehe, cute. Then he stopped quickly and gave me a huge grin and said "And your H is one lucky man!" Awww.
Funny too, I was carrying in bags from the car and H asked where I'd been, just said shopping. He came closer and I must've turned at a weird angle unintentionally - I was just walking towards the house. H said "HEY! Are you trying to hide something from me?" I grinned and said "Maybe" (in a cute way ike, "Maybe I'm hiding your Christmas present...")... but he still looked a tad worried. Felt good.
I decided tomorrow I'm leaving work a little early (boss ok'd me not only going to MC but leaving early to make up for some extra work I'd done). So I'm getting my nails fixed up, going to MC, going shopping for a hot new outfit to wear to the concert Friday, THEN going to the happy hour. Should be fun!
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
Ya Nikki! Sounds like you've got that PMA back and are rearin to go! Very cool you got off work early. Hope the MC session is really good for you, I know when I used my 2 calls to a DB coach it really helped.
I second jak58 about attacking him. Let this be your 1 or 2 tryouts to see how he reacts... and if it's a 'not-so-good' reaction, then reply with..."darn, I was looking forward to some action tonight, guess I'll have to take care of myself tonight.. hope you don't mind" (with a really sly/sexy tone) you could trail with "ya wanna watch?" not sure that I could say that unless it was dark! but I bet he'd still like it!
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
[/quote]I second jak58 about attacking him. Let this be your 1 or 2 tryouts to see how he reacts... and if it's a 'not-so-good' reaction, then reply with..."darn, I was looking forward to some action tonight, guess I'll have to take care of myself tonight.. hope you don't mind" (with a really sly/sexy tone) you could trail with "ya wanna watch?" not sure that I could say that unless it was dark! but I bet he'd still like it![quote]
AWESOME reaction ST!!!!!!
JAK
You don't get to choose how you're going to die. Or when, you can only decide how you're going to live now. ~Joan Baez
I'll think about doing that... will see how things go. I've stopped initiating anything as part of detaching and just backing way off - but might be a good time to try it. ST I like your suggestion if he is not interested!
Talked to H earlier and he may still be able to make it to MC today - he's trying to get out of work that early but not sure if he can (depends on how long their meeting runs). He won't know until right before. Which has me all anxious again - heart pounding, worrying about another bomb. Trying to shake it off though. I didn't even tell him how it made me kinda anxious but he seemed to know - he said "I know it's really unfair to you to not know if I'm going or not. If you want I'll just say now that I won't be there, but if you're ok with it I'd rather try to get out early and make it."
I am still floored at how badly he wants to go.. seeing that as a good sign.
Deep breaths...
Glad I get to do a little outfit shopping before the MC, should help take my mind off things.
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
Larry - thanks for checking in! Sorry, I missed you before.
Yeah it does seem like MLC...it's weird because I don't really see a "trigger" for it though. Seems like usually there's some obvious trigger.. but who knows.
From reading threads here I get the feeling piecing is tough in any case.
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
and make him wonder what the heck is going on.