CVA - "Back in Shape"

[Not Much Left]

Thanks WAW
Yeah, have really been putting a lot of thought into that myself, what is the next "move" for me.

Part of the backslide I experienced in the past 2 days was when my W said she was going to a movie w/ a couple of friends.

- I feel a bit hurt by the fact that she will do this stuff at a whim and not w/ me and I am the "babysitter" who has to leave when she gets home - I know, I know, my kids, should be happy to do it, not a babysitter, just a feeling, Ill get over it.
- On the "not w/ me part" I threw out there "when do you think we could go to a movie or out sometime" VERY POOR WORDING ON MY PART. IF I was going to ask this, I should have just said "Would you like to go to a movie w/ me this weekend?" short and sweet and maybe not right after little CVA got his feeling wounded by her cuz she will go out w/ her friends and not me. Bad timing, Oh well, learn from it CVA!

I think a movie is about as non-threatening as it gets, Lunch? Dinner too much? Anything alone seems too much, I dont know, I am confused about this next step thing.

On a lighter note, last night was good. Met for dinner w/ kids and a really good laugh or two.

Let me know what you think.

P.S. Saw a new C yesterday. Nomo's Imago lady. Very good.
A few things came out of it.
In my anxiousness to get my story out all at once in 1 1/2 hrs, I was rapid fire and I think it came across angry and unhappy w/ sitch. Not saying I dont have those feelings, but I am much "happier" and less angry than I have been for a long, long time but she did notice so some more work to do on how I come across to others.

Told her about my other C and my W's encounter with him. The result of which was the old C saying it may not work out, she is on the fence, happy with the way things are, if you want to change it, you will have to file, blah, blah, blah. WELL, needless to say he is not of the DR / DB strategy and her comment was that "it is no suprise to me that he would say those things after meeting w/ your W. Most C's that dont know about Michele's work, would respond the same way when the spouse says "they dont know about where the M is headed or something like that".

Whew, that wore me out!

CVA

[SunnySeason]

In my anxiousness to get my story out all at once in 1 1/2 hrs, I was rapid fire and I think it came across angry and unhappy w/ sitch. Not saying I dont have those feelings, but I am much "happier" and less angry than I have been for a long, long time but she did notice so some more work to do on how I come across to others

I think you are a lot "happier" in your sitch & it comes through. The new C will see this as she gets more familiar w/you & the R, I'm sure. It's hard to get a really good feel for everything in one session. She sounds like a good one though.

Told her about my other C and my W's encounter with him. The result of which was the old C saying it may not work out, she is on the fence, happy with the way things are, if you want to change it, you will have to file, blah, blah, blah.

Is there anyway to change C's. I agree that some may actually do more harm. I think you said something about it earlier, just can't remember.

It seems that your sitch is improving day after day, especially since there is some physical contact.

I would go for a movie invitation, striking when the iron is cold & you're in a positive frame of mind. Feel it out, so to speak.


Sunny

[Nomopo]

Is there anyway to change C's. I agree that some may actually do more harm. I think you said something about it earlier, just can't remember.

He is seeing mine now, and CVA posted that she said some encouraging things about her take on the old T.

Nomo

[Not Much Left]

Thanks Sunny and Nomo, as usual

Yep, forgot about the striking while the iron is cold. I will look for the opportunity.

[Not Much Left]

Journaling 8.1.07 events

Called W yesterday late afternoon to see what the plan was for the evening. She spoke to me like I would be there for dinner so I just said, "do you need anything?" "Yes, can you pick up xyz for me?" So got the stuff and went home to a really nice dinner.

So I get home and always have to throw in that W looks smokin and I tell her she looks great. THings going really well after dinner so I am thinking about the "strike while the iron is cold" stuff and made a tactical error on that one, not too bad, my enthusiasm got the best of me.

I literally stood there in the kitchen thinking about the following:
- I want her to call me during the day, should I ask if that is what she wants? Should I ask if it is OK for me to call her?
- So I did. I asked if she was Ok w/ me calling to talk during the day. She said it was "fine" with her, "if you want to call, call".
- Now here is the hard part to hear. CVA - "You tend not to call so I guess I am not sure if you want to talk during the day or not" -- YES, I KNOW, NOT A GREAT LINE! W - "Umm, yeah, I will call if I want to talk or need to talk to you, OK"

So, I am not feeling great about that exchange but, I realize the mistake I made (CVA KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT!). She seems to have had absolutely no issues with that exchange and still in a really good mood, so I just drop all talk and have a good evening together. So, good job CVA not pushing it any further.

Chalk it up to me wanting to hear from my W and have her ask about my day. Damn, I wish I was a ROCK and didnt have those thoughts. LEARN, LEARN, LEARN CVA. BIG STOP SIGN.

Gotta say, I was not in a good mood for about an hour and did not act like the best dad during that period while giving S7 & S5 bath time. MANAGE EMOTIONS CVA!

Taking care of kids tonight while W goes out w/ two friends to a movie and quick dinner. Wish me luck everyone!

I think I am just going to give myself advice and speak in the third person. CVA likes to..., CVA dont..., CVA you idiot...STOP, it seems to help me laugh vs just react! Who knew?

[SunnySeason]

I wish I was a ROCK and didnt have those thoughts.

I think we all have hardest time managing those pesty emotions. It's fine when we're alone or just posting, different story when we're in the same room w/ our WAS's, yes?

You did a really good job on not pushing it further & letting it pass until you regained composure.

I think I am just going to give myself advice and speak in the third person. CVA likes to..., CVA dont..., CVA you idiot...STOP, it seems to help me laugh vs just react! Who knew?

It is funny what ya have to do to keep yourself centered & on board, isn't it?

In reading Nomo telling the effects of his positive PMA, not pursuing, & life is "Great" attitude, it's great incentive to take that route. So maybe add a few people here to CVA says....Nomo says....Sven says.....Ian says......EAA says......

Sunny says she better get it together herself or she'll pay the price

[Not Much Left]

Thanks Sunny. I dont know about "doing a really good job" but at least I thought about it before I blew it!

[Nomopo]

always have to throw in that W looks smokin

Maybe I could meet her for lunch instead.

- I want her to call me during the day, should I ask if that is what she wants? Should I ask if it is OK for me to call her?
- So I did. I asked if she was Ok w/ me calling to talk during the day. She said it was "fine" with her, "if you want to call, call".
- Now here is the hard part to hear. CVA - "You tend not to call so I guess I am not sure if you want to talk during the day or not" -- YES, I KNOW, NOT A GREAT LINE! W - "Umm, yeah, I will call if I want to talk or need to talk to you, OK"

So, I am not feeling great about that exchange but, I realize the mistake I made (CVA KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT!). She seems to have had absolutely no issues with that exchange and still in a really good mood, so I just drop all talk and have a good evening together. So, good job CVA not pushing it any further.

Yes, good job not pushing it further and do keep your mouth shut (for a while). Seriously, give it some more time. Patience, grasshopper. You want to fix it so bad. I know. Me too. Generally doesn't help, and when in doubt, don't! That's a rule of thumb to add to your list (if you don't have it already).

One last thing - you said you didn't feel good about the exchange. It really wasn't that bad. So, you didn't get your needs met. What's new? Nothing has anything really changed in your sitch. Did you learn anything bad that you didn't already know? Absolutely not. You're no worse off than you thought you were before you started the exchange. So the only reason you felt bad about the exchange is you had expectations or hopes up. Was it really possible she'd say, "Why yes CVA, I have been dying to talk with you in the day, and I just wish you had asked me earlier!"? No. But she was calm and polite back, and she didn't look at you like you were a lunatic, so it was harmless.

Chalk it up to me wanting to hear from my W and have her ask about my day.

In other words, trying to get your needs met. We all want to, but not likely yet. Be patient.

Damn, I wish I was a ROCK and didnt have those thoughts. LEARN, LEARN, LEARN CVA. BIG STOP SIGN.

No biggie. Live and learn, and let it go.

Gotta say, I was not in a good mood for about an hour and did not act like the best dad during that period while giving S7 & S5 bath time. MANAGE EMOTIONS CVA!

You don't need us. You've got it all figured out.

Taking care of kids tonight while W goes out w/ two friends to a movie and quick dinner. Wish me luck everyone!

You don't need no stinkin' luck.

Nomo

[Not Much Left]

Oh, I do need you guys. Believe me, I wouldnt have said any of this stuff to myself before. What amazes me about last night was I literally stood there thinking "dont do it, not good, ...Oh, why not, dont do it, why not?" it was like the devil on one shoulder and the angel on the other like in a movie! Did I just say "like" twice? Like Britny, Lindsey, Paris? Yikes, I am regressing.

[Gone Dancin']

Hey CVA,

I'm behind on your thread, but will try to catch up throughout the day. Just want to say hi and that you sound pretty good from my extremely thin skimming!

Enjoy!

GD