Trudging up hill

[ediemarie]

I've read a lot today on these boards. They are really helping me focus on changes I really need to make. With that said, I have given a lot of thought around the top 5 listed below. I think these really point out the root of our issues. I suppose MC or IC is really the only way to address them...?

1) How do I make this about improving me and not about our M? How do I remove the power play from our marriage? I don’t ever want my M to be about power. I want it to be about trust, understanding, mutual admiration, teamwork, etc. I feel that I have created an atmosphere in which he does something, so retaliate or vice versa.
2) How do I not place blame on my H, but understand him? How do I build that environment of understanding, not criticism and judgment? How do I go about switching my thinking from seeing my husband as the cause of my pain, to seeing him as human who struggles?
3) How do I get a clear picture of what I have done to cause these issues in my marriage?
4) How do I choose happiness over all, no matter what?
5) How do I directly express what I want?

I'm hoping this will be the catalyst to new goals - I think some of them are hidden in there. I'll have to keep thinking and working at it...
Any thoughts are appreciated