Amy I hope I didn't rile you up because that means a 2x4 may be coming my way. LOL!
Seriously this is something I have continually struggled with. To be honest I am questioning my own belief system here and whether or not my attitude about just being friends is selfish or not. To me it just is another painful reminder of her rejection. But then again I know we have to be friends again before we can be more. Friendship is the foundation of any relationship and such it has to be absolutely solid.
If we really want to love, we must learn how to forgive. - Mother Theresa
Okay, time to jump in here on the topic of FRIENDSHIP!
Yes it's the classic dumping line, "I just want to be friends". Yes every time our WAS asks us to be "friends", it's a reminder of what we've lost. "No, I don't want to be friends. I want sex, I want security, I want to know you love me and want me. I want to know that you'll never leave me, I want to go BACK to what we had before. I was secure, I was happy, and YOU are the one that left. YOU are the one that's screwed up. What's wrong with you, can you see I love you, I want you, I'll do anything for you?"
Does that thinking sound a little familiar? Okay so here's the deal, it's real simple. Friendship is the foundation for any lasting relationship. When you build a house, you START with the foundation. You don't put the roof on first and then try to build the foundation. No, friendship, the foundation, comes first.
So PLEASE do not take friendship lightly. It will take you miles up river. Just set your pride aside, send your neediness, fear, and insecurity away, and live in the moment. Be friends, treat your WAS like any other aquaintance. Try it, and see what happens.
Love,
COG
PS Amy, may the Holy Spirit fill your heart with passion, and awe, and my you be inspired to come out of the dark and into the light!
My Story http://www.divorcebusting.com/forum...&Number=660444&page=2#Post660444
OK y'all thanks for shaking me a bit because I was off base here. The logic in my pea brain and heart was definitely putting the cart before the horse.
Hey I brought it up because I knew deep down that the thoughts and logic rolling around upstairs weren't right, just need to hear it.
If we really want to love, we must learn how to forgive. - Mother Theresa
It took me a while before I realized what's been wrong with me lately. I don't have any passion for anything anymore. ...
...I wonder if one day he will ever realize that this fight to save my marriage to HIM is what has practically turned me into the walking dead?
Funny ... that part really struck me. My H told me the other day I'm "180 degrees different than when we first met -- I used to be so outgoing."
In my mind I know why ... I've resigned myself and have no passion and am "the walking dead." But it would do no good to say that; he truly wouldn't understand. I know he does the best he can.
PON.......maybe it's time you light a fire under your rump and find some of those things you once liked to do -- and do them. I wonder what he would do....
....Understand, that I can't, not be what I am I'm not the milk, and Cheerios in your spoon ~ Avril Lavigne ~ ..."Nobody's Fool"...
There's a fella there, Henrik, who just discovered his wife's A. I've been offering advice, but I'm about it -- think you or others could pop onto his thread?
....Understand, that I can't, not be what I am I'm not the milk, and Cheerios in your spoon ~ Avril Lavigne ~ ..."Nobody's Fool"...
Hi, catfan. Just looking around - been gone for quite some time. Don't know really how you can do the "Just friends" thing, but I'd love for my H to want to be friends. It is so much better than being nothing, which is basically what I am to him now. If you can dig deep and pull it off, being friends would give you a chance to remind her who you were when she first fell in love with you. Give you a chance to have some fun together, flirt a little. Hope you figure out how to do it. LadyDi
This is amazing news. I remember you from when I went through this before. I can not believe how far you have come. It is amazing to see your strength, determination, and pure faith. Hang in there. You definately are an amazing woman. Your H is lucky to have you in his life.
Amy
M 32 H 39 SS 15, SD 12, S11, S9, D7, D6, D4 E/A 02/06 WAS 03/06 RH 05/06 On 07/07 told me he wants to leave again. On 08/11/07 Walked out again.
People say "When God closes a door he opens a window." They forget to tell you "It is hell in the hallway!"
Haven't seen you around lately.... please tell me you haven't gotten lost in myspace land.
No.
Actually, everything bores me.
It took me a while before I realized what's been wrong with me lately. I don't have any passion for anything anymore. The only time I know peace is when I get to be at the house with H and the kids, which is rare and a false sense of peace, at best.
I wonder if one day he will ever realize that this fight to save my marriage to HIM is what has practically turned me into the walking dead?
AmyC,
Now I sure hope I'm reading this wrong.... your butt better not be bored with us on the board!
We got whatcha call charisma out the ying yang girl..... you know that!
Honey you are just stuck in a rut, you'll come out of it in your own time. I'm just tryin to razz your spirit a little bit.... but if you need a break, by all means, take one. But stop in and join the party if you need a laugh.... you know well how we can use this BB as an outlet for the mundane & senseless just as much as for the advice and support.
hugs & sloppy smooches girlie,
~lost
Psa 51:10 Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me.
