Frank, Thanks, I was really down yesterday at the end of my work day. I have not felt like that in awhile. I am not hurting for the loss of my M anymore, though I still hurt and get sad for my girls. I guess that comes with being a parent.
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but.....yeah...I'm scared. I'm scared to death...FOR MY CHILDREN. I don't want to lose it in front of them.
I believe this is because we know we are going to be fine no matter the outcome. The scary part is that we have young kids who are exploring their world and absorbing the good and the bad. Who knows how this is going to effect them. I do know that the D will have an effect on them for the rest of their lives. Hopefully their loving/involved Daddy helps them become the beautiful, secure, intelligent, compassionate woman that they can be and will be.
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MLC? A new trend among women? Or just a lack of integrity?
Well, there is definitely a lack of integrity in our W's these days. Then again they have done nothing that nobody else in history has not already done. Unfortunately, MLC, A's, losing your mind is a human condition nothing more. Some of us have the ability to cope well when faced with adversity or temptation. For others it takes a lot longer and sometimes they never can.
Journaling: Last night I went to the closing ceremony for D5 VBS program. It was at my W's new church and my DD seemed to really like it. My SIL, nephew, and IL's also went to the program. It was strange seeing everyone in this type of format, this will probably be the only way I see them all in the future.
My cousin and his family were also at the church last night. His kids got to see and play with Silly Uncle Scotty(This is what all my nieces and nephews call me). While talking with my cousin I mentioned that I had the girls this weekend and planned on bringing them camping again. He then invited me and the girls to go with him to their cottage. Now instead of Indiana Beach we are going to Wisconsin Dells. It should be a lot of fun. The only problem that this has caused is I might not be able to bring the puppy with. Because I was originally going to bring her along with me this weekend my W tells me she is my responsibility now and I need to figure out what to do with her. Since my W is working 12hr shifts both Saturday and Sunday she doesn't want the dog to be in a cage all day. I can understand this but why does everything have to be a concern of mine.
As for my sitch, we are still heading straight to D. Although, currently my L is out of town for 2 weeks which only prolongs this process.
I learned last night that my W is sending all of our email correspondence to her L. Thank goodness I never told her what my L has said to me. The emails that she passed along were only about my thoughts about asset division and custody. Since she does not know that I know this I am wondering if I can somehow use this to my advantage. I will have to see what my L thinks about that. Oh..I also learned that my W's L is the one pushing for me to give her the cash equivalent to half of my 401(k). She mentioned to him that I wouldn't budge on this. Doesn't her L know that I work for an Investment Bank and understand the time value of money. I guess my W did not inform him of this.
My W is also trying hard to get me to use the same mortgage broker as her since it will allow her to get her loan quicker. I really do not have issues with this although I have a good friend that is a loan officer and I was planning on going through him.
What have I learned about D. - Divorce sucks. - Think about D as a business transaction. - No one is looking out for me accept me and my friends here. - If something does not sit right it is OK to step back and get a clear picture before you act. - Put my emotions aside for my W and think of her as an opponent in the game called D. - Just because I have a perfectly logical answer for my W she might not always agree, because she wants MORE. - This whole process does not proceed the way either of us expects. - My W is more then willing to try and guilt me into making a decision that favors her and she doesn't even seem to feel bad about it. - I cannot wait for the day I can walk into my house and relax knowing that my W is not lurking.
