Brand New Day

[Not Much Left]

Sorry Sunny, Nomo, Donna, I am working on that concept!

[Reincarnated]

LOL !!!!! I thought you might be taking things a bit literally ;0)

[C_K]

Sunny

Your post has inspired me , Its surprising what comes out of the blue and gives your PMA a hit.
Its all about expectations.
When you think things are going well is when you are most vulnerable as well.

Dave

[SunnySeason]

Keep the PMA going! Better than PMS!

You bet!

Thanks for the PMA helpful posts CVA, Nomo, Donna & Dave.

H came over this afternoon to p/u S4 for a beach playdate & dinner.

Somehow I just wasn't all that attracted to him today. I pictured meeting him for the 1st time & thought about how he would prolly not be that appealing to me. Watched him take the bag of beach toys/towels, etc. into the garage w/out unpacking it & thought, "I guess it'll be up to me to put everything back."


He noticed that I wasn't all that drawn to him I'm sure, even though I was friendly enough.

Right before he left, we talked about his upcoming trip on Monday, where he'll be gone for 2 wks. He told me he'll see S4 on Friday.....waited a while & then added "& Saturday o/c, but I'll be too busy on Sunday to see him".

So I guess I'll have an overnight visitor. I guess if this lack of attraction holds up I won't have any trouble giving him more than enough space when he's here.

Came over, gave me a semi-long hug & short kiss & he was out the door.

Steady we go.....

Sunny

CVA, my #'s say 9 is coldest, 1 warmest. That's why I can't figure this thing out. Now it's back to being on the warm side & the food I put back in is now bad This really is like my M

[Lyrael]

I love the fridge analogy. It works on so many levels.

How often does your H stay overnight? This happened a lot during my S. It usually meant odd sorts of charged situations, but to be honest - if i could keep it together, it was usually kinda fun.

Are these very platonic visits? Businesslike, even?


P.S. I am going to adopt your goal of "tude-tweaking." Thanks for the reminder!

[Gone Dancin']

Hey Sunny,

Somehow I just wasn't all that attracted to him today. I pictured meeting him for the 1st time & thought about how he would prolly not be that appealing to me.

I kind of feel that way lately too. If it wasn't for all of our history and the family we've created, I don't know how motivated I'd be. I think this comes with the DBing territory -- we get stronger, learn more about ourselves, become better people, etc, and our Ss just float in still water (or get stuck in a back eddy!). We are growing and they aren't. I think the same is going on with CK (saw it with Nomo when he and his W were waiting to see the JC a few weeks ago too). Interesting dynamic.

Watched him take the bag of beach toys/towels, etc. into the garage w/out unpacking it & thought, "I guess it'll be up to me to put everything back."

What a butt!

Came over, gave me a semi-long hug & short kiss & he was out the door.

That sounds pretty positive -- yes?

Mahalo

GD

[Nomopo]

saw it with Nomo when he and his W were waiting to see the JC a few weeks ago too

Yeah, and I had another mini-episode Wed. am and tried to describe it in that mini-journal entry I lost.

[SunnySeason]

Hi Lyrael,

Thanks for stopping by.

I love the fridge analogy. It works on so many levels.

Well, it's still on going, just like my sitch. It turned semi-cold, then back to warm, until I took off the panel inside the freezer & cleared out the frost around the condenser & now the freezer not working that well, along with the refrigerator/food part.
At this point I feel like I'm been DBing the @%*# thing & ready for at least a separation at best

How often does your H stay overnight? This happened a lot during my S. It usually meant odd sorts of charged situations, but to be honest - if i could keep it together, it was usually kinda fun.

Are these very platonic visits? Businesslike, even?

He started staying here about a month & 1/2 ago, 1 or 2 times a week.
They've been a mix of kinda fun/platonic/business like- just to keep me on my toes.

When I do stay on said toes, it does works out the best.

I've been making it a "Great" Day with lots of positive attitude.

H called & said a work friend was taking him by to retrieve a car from the body shop where it had been since I took him to drop it off on Sat, & would be coming by to drop it off in the driveway in back.

I called him back w/in a few minutes & said that was fine, sounding very happy.
Shows up with young work friend, I say hello, exchange a little happy small talk & tell him I'm on my way out. He says he'll call me soon to talk about tomorrow's plans.

Forgot my Ipod for working out, come back in & H is offering friend a beer. The friend looks "scared", like he's not quite sure of......what, I don't know. Maybe just uncomfortable, he's young, so maybe he's expecting a brawl.... an argument, who know's?

H acts like I'm still his W & it's just a natural exchange.

I left smiling & in a hurry to get going.

I feel in really good spirits today. No matter what happens to my M, I'm good & figure he'll prolly be the one with the most angst when his head comes out of the clouds.

Speaking of head in clouds, yesterday he told me that the last competition that he had 3 months ago, was the worst he's ever had in 20 years. It was 2 days after he came home from that one that he dropped the bomb. I have a feeling that I took the hit for that disappointment, or at the very least, that contributed in some way.

I'm determined to "Act as if" tomorrow night. Just haven't decided if I should go out or not. (Where's my friend Still )

Make it a great evening,



Sunny

[ItsKat]

Hi, Sunny. You sound like you are doing great. Keep it up!

Interesting about the timing of H's last competition.

I should get you connected w/ my sister. She lives where you live and is the same age as you. Actually one day, for a split second, I thought to myself, "Wait, is Sunny my sister?" But then I quickly realized that you were not her.

[Nomopo]

Think friend was helping him do something improper? Was "young" friend an IT guy from his office? Was he kinda tech, geeky ( )Now I am feeding paranoia, but that seems odd. Was S15 home? Does he know if H was in the computer room? I know you had changed your passwords and that irritated H. Just thinking out loud. Maybe I am a little too spooked about it, but be careful.