I think I am starting to see what the C meant about H being messed up and unable to communicate and be a parent. One good piece of advice that the C gave me was to enroll S7 is a sports program. She thought it would be good for his confidence and to take his mind off the D.
I decided to try a hockey program since H played as a child. He spent years playing hockey with his father as the coach of his team. H often told me how much he enjoyed it. So I got some info on a good program and a friend is giving me some old equipment that S7 can use to save on costs. Last night I told H about the program and asked if he would be willing to help pay the costs and drive S7 to it on his Sundays with him. The only response I got was "ok". I then put S7 on the phone so that he could tell his father how excited he was about it and they could talk about it.
Later I went for a walk with the kids and we were discussing all the plans we had for the fall. I told S7 "Isn't it great that you will be playing hockey like Daddy did?" S7 was surprised and asked me all about it since his father hadn't said a word about it when they talked. Isn't that the saddest thing? H is so depressed and unable to communicate that he couldn't even share this information with his son. Looking back, I realize that I was always facilitating these conversations. I would have to start these conversations before H could share something with the children. I just don't know how much of this I have the energy or opportunity to do anymore. I have so much pity for H with what he is missing in life.
Me45 H45 D13 S10 together-23 years married-21 years MLC Divorced 10/3/07 Married to a wonderful new man.
Extremely shy. The C said he needs a lot of time to form verbal responses and most people don't you give you that much time. I wish I had known that all these years and could have waited more for him to say things. She also told me that she and H are trying to work through his father's death. It could be that S7 starting hockey could force H to think through his own years playing hockey. His father was such a big part of that experience and it is probably bittersweet for him now.
H was so shy that I was his first girlfriend and I basically had to do all the initiating. I think he feels safer online talking to people because of the anonymity. (Don't we all.) Online he can take all the time he wants to try to gather his thoughts. The C also said that H can only express thoughts (with a lot of time) and never can express feelings. I just didn't know any better and thought his behavior was normal for men. I really am the opposite of him in this respect, although I am a bit shy too. I am very quick with my thoughts and responses and I think I ran all over him. Poor H. The C said (and I agree) that he is a sweet man but very broken.
Me45 H45 D13 S10 together-23 years married-21 years MLC Divorced 10/3/07 Married to a wonderful new man.
H actually took the kids ice skating yesterday. D10 said that her father skated very well and they had a good time learning. I am so glad that he is finally doing these things with them. I think signing S7 up for hockey was a great move.
This weekend I went on a nature walk with the New Beginnings group. There were about 10 of us and I talked to Sal and Carol a lot. Sal and I were giving Carol tips on "How to Flirt" now that we will all be single again. Sal happened to mention that he was surprised I had older children since he thought I was 27. Carol said she guessed I was 32. I'll take those guesses! Sal and I flirted shamelessly with each other. What a shame he is 68 years old!
Today I am leaving for a week in Door County so I won't be posting. I am feeling very good these days. I feel like a new life is waiting for me and I can make it better than the old one. I want to enjoy this feeling while it lasts.
Me45 H45 D13 S10 together-23 years married-21 years MLC Divorced 10/3/07 Married to a wonderful new man.
Sal happened to mention that he was surprised I had older children since he thought I was 27.
Now that is flirting!!!!!
Hi HM. What's going on? All of a sudden, I got busier than hell. The path my sons are taking this summer have diverged and my work projects have hit full force.
Anyway, have fun in Door County. Looks like a fun place.
Sal happened to mention that he was surprised I had older children since he thought I was 27.
Now that is flirting!!!!!
It's not flirting if it is true!
I am back from Door and still feeling full of hope. I have hope for me that I will make the new life I want. When I was in Door I bought a bracelet that says "Imagine" on it. I am using it to remind myself that everything is possible in life.
Me45 H45 D13 S10 together-23 years married-21 years MLC Divorced 10/3/07 Married to a wonderful new man.
I do feel different. When I was in Door and I would see some resort for couples or some other romantic activity I would not get sad like I would have a few months ago. Instead, I thought "Maybe next time I come here I will be here with someone new in my life for a getaway." It could happen! I am much more aware of the things that were missing in my old life and not just of the things I loved about it. I am going to rebuild those missing things too.
My best friend is coming to visit me on Sunday and I can't wait to see her. The kids will be away so it will be time to feel like I am a teenage girl again, giggling with my best friend, and planning our futures.
Glad to hear you are doing well IMP! Any vacations planned before the kids are back in school?
Me45 H45 D13 S10 together-23 years married-21 years MLC Divorced 10/3/07 Married to a wonderful new man.
Have a great time Sunday !!! I have an old friend coming over on Sunday too !! Looking forward to having a great day - hope the H talk doesn't rule though !! I won't let it ! xxx
Love Cinders xxx
"In the depths of my winter, I realized there is within me an invincible summer" Albert Camus
Any vacations plans? Hmmm,,,does getting son to football practice by 7:15 every morning during the last two weeks of August qualify!!!!!!
I'm off the last week of August with both sons. The week before older guy is with me and younger with his mother. My complex has a pool. I suspect that will be the main vacation venue. R & R all the way.
