well, today is a new day, and I have NO idea what it will bring. I had a very weird day yesterday, described here.
will that bring any changes? don't think so. I have no idea what to expect of him on the phone even. I half expected a grand gesture last night in the middle of the night...him coming in, like he has before, and trying to talk me into giving him another chance, etc, etc. But nothing. which is good, because if he ever does want to make it work, I know it has to be less on impulse and more on real consideration.
honestly, I don't expect anything to come of it. except that it did give me a glimmer of hope that maybe he does still care, and maybe he realizes it himself and will actually consider it.
but there is still that part of me that knows it won't change anything, not really, and I know he is still a person who lies/cheats, and why do I want that person? no, he wasn't that person for 12.5 or so years, but he has become that person, and I think I deserve better. I know I deserve better. and I'm not sure he is capable of better anymore.
so we'll see what today brings. will be me, when I talk to him, won't wallow or mope or be angry or any of that. but will be really thinking about what I want.
eta, he just called to say hi to the kids...was really short with me. then at the end when I said goodluck today (last chat for the new job scheduled) I couldn't tell, but almost sounded like he was crying. but I might have just been hearing things...normally I can tell if he has been, think he was just yawning and a bit pissed at me. but whatever. it doesn't change anything, does it? wish he had therapy today, but that won't be for a full week (went yesterday).
Last edited by morgan; 08/02/0711:51 AM.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
