GD's Dilemma, 4

[Nomopo]

Wow GD! I'll tell you what. As tough as it was to go through that, I still see positives. Let me just dive in bit by bit.

Pissed WAW (or Backsliding -- take your pick).

To me, backsliding is when you screw up, like initiating a R talk or snooping or something. I see no backslides here (or even on the rafting trip. I just see a pissed/emotional WAS, and opportunities for you to DB. Think of the adversity/anger/whatever as opportunity for you to show W the new GD! (And you've done so skillfully twice now!)

I asked them what she said about it and they told me she said she burned it on the stove at Mama's house. I was surprised that I hadn't noticed it when I picked her up last night, and was also surprised that neither her nor my W had mentioned it either.

Knowing what we now know about where D got the burn, I am still surprised W didn't mention it at the kid exchange the night before. (The same night you and I spoke, right?) Did W seem irritated that night about the injuries your children were subjected to at YOUR friend's house?

However, before I did, I called W to talk to her about it and let her know what was going on. Unfortunately, I got her VM so I left a polite message about it (I was frustrated that she didn't tell me about it, but resolved to be nice).

Good job being nice! What would the old GD have done? Do you think W noticed the difference? I'm betting yes.

Similarly, on the phone exchange with W post-doctor's visit, how would the old you have handled it? W has to be noticing these changes - the new, cool, calm and collected GD.

W: Yeah, well, it's bullsh!t the way it's making me look so f@#$ing bad! Like I'm the bad parent in all of this!
Me: What are you talking about?
W: (still pissed) I'm talking about with daycare. They probably already think poorly of me -- or us -- because we're getting divorced.

Geeee, I guess she's thinking about things.

Me: (beginning to lose my patience, and getting quiet and level with my tone) Okay, I will.

Understandable, and fine. You can't be pushover. She won't respect that. I'm glad it was measured though. Losing your cool would've been a backslide.

Me: Hello?
W: Hello. Jesus... (referring to D3's ramblings)
Me: (laughing a little) Yeah, I guess she had a lot to say.
W: (with a small laugh) Yeah, guess so.
Me: (being nice again) So I'm sorry about the misunderstanding. I'll talk to daycare tomorrow and let them know what really happened.
W: Okay. I'm sorry I got so pissed, but the call woke me up so I was irritated anyway, and then to hear that really set me off.
Me: I didn't think I was angry or mean about anything in the message.
W: No, you weren't. It was just the fact that it wasn't what had really happened, that's all.
Me: Okay. (pause) So I'll talk to daycare about it tomorrow.
W: Okay.

Fantastic recovery.

Why all the backslides and/or bad scenarios are popping up now, just weeks before the D and right before my last stand talk, I don't know -- but it is seriously bombarding my PMA.

Don't let it bombard OMA. Look at these as opportunities. They are, and you're doing great.

It is possible that she is subconsciously (or even consciously) pushing you/testing you to see if she can get a rise out of you, or get that old anger up. Isn't that the way you would have reacte din the past? She is perhaps testing the changes. Makes sense to me.

It's making me seriously question the charm gift now. If I still do it, I feel like now I have to add a sorry about this event too. Argh! I'm so bummed right now.

Don't be bummed. I would still do the charm. Yes, like my little trinket gift, not the setting isn't as good as it was, but it will still be good. And I wouldn't add anything to the note. But could you date the note for a day or two ago, like you already had this ready to go before this exchange, but just hadn't had a chance to deliver it yet? (Just thinkinh out loud.)

I could've done a lot better with the talk, and that knowledge is eating at me too.

Baloney. Maybe a tiny bit better (when you got a little bothered), but probably not. I think you did FANTASTIC! Seriously.

This tells me that there is a piece of her that says this is the wrong thing to do, because if there wasn't she would be secure in her decision. Whether I did it or she has done it herself, there are definitely seeds of doubt planted IMO.

Let that soak in. That is what all of your efforts have been about at this point. IT's WORKING!

I guess it's back to my GALing and going dark.

Don't avoid contact with W. Just don't initiate for a bit.

(God I hate this stuff)

Hang in there,
Nomo

[C_K]

Yeah what Nomopo said

Realy I am in awe of how you handled that conversation over the thumb . You realy turned that around .
That was no backslide that was a wee victory.

Think how much calmer your W was after speaking with you , you helped her feel better.

Dave

[Gone Dancin']

Sorry I didn't get to many of your threads before my trip -- I'm leaving now, and will be back late Monday night. Talk to you all later!

PMA!

GD

[christarn]

Hope you have fun in Seattle

[NikB]

GD - have fun!!

I wanted to echo what others have said, don't think there was any backsliding at all. D3 is well... 3. She's going to get hurt sometimes. Unless someone's obviously neglectful or intentionally hurting her, it is ridiculous to get into big long arguments over whose "fault" it was. If she falls and gets a bruise at your house or at W's, she falls and gets a bruise... heck even if she breaks a bone... yeah it sucks, but stuff happens!!

I think this has been said but I wanted to emphasize it a bit - pissed W is NOT the same thing as a backslide, by a longshot. In fact a lot of times she's going to be pissed if you DON'T backslide, because it keeps her confused and doubting her decision. It's how you handle her pissiness, and you're doing well with that.

I actually disagreed a bit with the others on the charm thing, I don't think you should be apologizing soooo much when you really didn't do anything wrong. I don't think it's too bad so still worth a try, but please don't add even more apologies to it. You went off the info you had at the time, the rest of that craziness is your W's issue.

[Gone Dancin']

Hey all! I'm back (but my legs had to be amputated -- jk)! Hope everything has gone well with you guys, and I'll be checking in with everyone throughout the next few days prior to going out of town again on Friday.

INCREDIBLE WEEKEND! I met some really great people and witnessed Lindy Hop dancing like I've never seen in person! I felt like a novice at best, and because of this I didn't even ask anyone to dance the first night there . I finally worked up enough courage though (put on my game face, got the eye of the tiger, etc), and was able to "get jiggy with it." Although there weren't any workshops for me to actually learn and practice new moves in, I was able to pick up a few new things and began practicing them last night (Monday Lindy night) here in Idaho when I got back home. It's unfortunate that we don't have the kind of Lindy Hop following in my area that Seattle has, but it was great to branch out and see that it is certainly alive elsewhere!

There was about 25 hours of scheduled dancing from Fri through Sunday, and I probably danced about 12 hours of it. My legs took quite a bit of punishment, as I wasn't used to dancing so much! I got my butt kicked out on the dance floor by some women who were quite a bit older than me, but who really knew their stuff! I felt like such a wuss sometimes simply because at the end of one fast-paced song I would be exhausted and my partner would go right on over to their next victim and continue to jam without a break. Despite how overwhelming it all was, it was also very inspiring, and showed me that I have a long ways to go to become an expert and possibly master Lindy dancer, but that I can get there (and I will!).

On a side note, got my truck towed Monday morning before we left. Took some bags out to load up and noticed that my truck wasn't there! At first I thought it got stolen, but then I read the sign posted on the street and realized that I had made a big boo-boo. I found the towing co., walked 30 minutes to get there, and bailed my truck out of impound. Nice little mini-adventure to end the trip!

Heading to Florida this weekend, and just noticed that there is a Lindy Hop Regional Championships going on there at the same time! I'm hoping to go experience some of that now while I'm there, and am hoping to get a familiar face or two to come along with me for a bit . They've also got some workshops to attend, so I'm definitely going to try and dive into a few of those too!

I'll post again later tonight, but wanted to let everyone know I'm back and had a great time in Seattle! Talk with you all later!

GD

[Not Much Left]

Hey GD, welocme home

[waw1978]

Welcome back! Glad you had a great time.

[Gone Dancin']

Thanks CVA and WAW -- I'll be trying my best to catch up on you guys tonight and/or tomorrow night. Hope all is well with you both!

[PMA_Baby!]

Welcome back man. How's the w been? Sounds like u had fun.

BM07