Need advice on WAW with OM

[svejk]

My wife and I have been married for 10 years and together for 12. She moved out suddenly with one day notice and we have been separated for almost 6 months now. Our relationship in the 2 years prior to the separation was going very well in my eyes, but she was unhappy and I couldn't see it. We had some rough times in the first few years over stepkids, money, sex, etc. None of the problems were unusual but I didn't handle the disagreements properly. I was always angry, controlling, and demanding instead of understanding. We were also separated 2 years ago and it sort of opened my eyes and I got better but still not good enough. The last 6 months really made me realize what I have lost. My wife started a new relationship a couple of months into the separation and told me we were finished. I started reading Michele's books and I made radical, lasting changes. My wife was very impressed and about 3 months into the separation I talked her into seeing a DB counseler and this went very well. We started seeing each other more often and she agreed to break off with the OM. But eventually she started to withdraw from me again because I think we moved too fast. I was too pushy and impatient. She again told me it was over a couple of weeks ago and I know she is seeing the OM again since I snooped her voicemail (I'm not proud of this but I had to know). I've asked her about the OM but she is adamant there is no OM. She says she needs time to sort things out and to see if she misses me so we agreed to no contact for 1 month. The no contact would be relatively easy if I knew there was no OM. I am implementing GAL as well as I can and have stuck to no contact except for unavoidable financial things since we are still married.

Why is she unwilling to admit anything about the OM? I told her if there is OM then let me know and I will let her go because I cannot deal with it. She still won't admit it. Is this because she still thinks there is something between us that she doesn't want to ruin, or is she just trying to get me off her back so she can fool around?

What should I do when the month of no contact is over? Any other advice would be greatly appreciated.