W called again today to talk about s, but it was how he is doing in his new daycare, so no real reason to call. Then she came by after work. We watched some tv and talked, I’m not sure but I think the talks are really just going no where.
Well there is now no mention of the second honeymoon, and while divorce talk didn’t come up in the context of that she wants it, it did come up. She said she was scared of hurting me, s, herself, family, not being financially secure, etc… w said that she just doesn’t think she can do it.
Then she said she just isn’t sure she can have our m. she still wants to work on it, but she isn’t sure at the same time. What really got to me was that she said she longer doubts that I will be a great spouse, and it would just kill her seeing me with someone else being treated the way that she wanted to be treated. I told her that I am going to be a great spouse, and it can be her in that picture.
So right now we are in a holding pattern. She needs to figure out what she wants, and I just have to keep db’ing. Also she brought up that when she is around me she likes it, but when we talk she feels physically sick and hates it. Funny thing is that I don’t bring it up, she does, I don’t know if I should stop all talks at this point. Even if I did, how do I get out of them completely, because it is her talking. I can’t just say I have something to do and walk, then I’m doing what I used to do. Probably should just keep listening, shut my mouth more often and let her get through all of this.
Other than that things are looking good. She spends her free time with me when I am off, which means she isn’t going out at night, she is at the house. We are together a lot and as long as we aren’t smoking, we are normal, talking, laughing and enjoying each other. Maybe I need to hang the smokes back up, that gets me out of the place and time that we talk and she wouldn’t think I’m avoiding. Ah ha! Just don’t know if I can quit during this. Especially if I don’t want to, but if I look at like it is this or my marriage, well that’s an easy choice.
