Why should men marry (According to Deida)?

[fearless]

Yeah maybe we should get back to Cemar's original question:

People have been mentioning the WRONG reasons to marry, and I know that I have some of the wrong reasons. But I was trying to figure out what are the right reasons to marry, assuming that we throw out desire and throw out "because they love me". Why should a Deida man marry?

I thought Burg had the perfect answer of why a "Deida" man would marry:

Because he wants to.

And, my words now, he therefore OWNS the decision and takes responsibility for the decision. He doesn't NEED his wife to act a certain way for him in order for him to have confidence in himself. He might appreciate, like, enjoy when she acts a certain way but he doesn't NEED it.

That is the bottomline issue I see with Cemar. I don't see him wanting to enjoy or appreciate things but instead demanding them and NEEDING them. Demanding and needy are not the most attractive characteristics to people.

For a personal example, I want very much to live on a farm again. I loved living on a farm growing up and the 10 years I was married. I am a farm girl at the core. However I have not lived on a farm for 2 years and probably won't for quite awhile. So does that mean I will give up this deep want? NO Does it mean I will be miserable and unhappy while I don't live on a farm? NO

There truly is something else. I can appreciate what I do have, I can visit local farms and see if I can help out, I can enjoy other things that I love, etc. I will still have that desire for farmlife but I will also be able to live happy and otherwise fulfilled without it for now. IT DOES NOT MEAN THAT I FORGET THIS DESIRE. Rather it means I will focus on figuring out how I can this life eventually.

I can remember my XH's last year of law school while we were living in the city. On the weekends I would suggest things to do and he would just shoot every idea down. He would frown, pout and say "I want to be out in the country sitting on my front porch..." I'd try to smile and say "I know exactly what you mean but since we aren't there yet what else can we do while we are living in the city?" He just stayed grumpy. I just let him have his pity parties even though it wasn't that attractive. I knew what he meant but it just frustrated me seeing him choose to be miserable when he didn't have to be. he could want to be in the country but still figure a way to make the best of where he was.