You are right RCR - I shouldn't have faced my fear by asking for something I don't want. It DOESN'T make any sense. But I can't say I've been completely logical in this upturned condition. Just an example of it I guess.
I know that standing is not easy and not on my timeline. And the detaching? I'm getting it, more every day.
I've sent the form H wants me to sign to my lawyer for his feedback. I won't do anything until I hear from him. In my interactions with H the primary thing that I've been frustrated with is how my 'emotional memory' is still going against my logical reasoning when it comes to a response. I know and H must know that he can manipulate me as he has done it so well in the past. The one place he knows how to get to me is when he plays the victim. It takes great effort not to want to help him. But has he helped me? NO!
I am getting stronger every day. And people all around me have seen a positive improvement in my well-being recently. Given the circumstances, I am doing quite well. Actually enjoying the opportunity to 'be' on my own. Pursuing my interests and making lots of new friends.
The word for the day is GRATITUDE. Gratitude for how this is changing me into the person I'm meant to be. With or without my I will be just fine. When I've stumbled is when I leave the Lord out of my life.
