Still Tryin's new thread 2

[NikB]

Wow ST, lots of good things going on for you, so glad to hear it! Look forward to seeing your landscaping pictures when it's done.

So excited for your MV sales too, that's really great.

And your neighbors - that is wonderful!! I hope they get through Piecing in one piece...

[S.T. _I Made It!]

Nikki, yes, definitely hoping their Piecing works. I think the big thing for them is that he was always spending money, she was always fighting it and they fought for 15 years. I'm sure she was exactly the typical WAW. But he's since said he's done with fighting and she says he's better-in whatever way that is- and she didn't like being alone.

I know your H had mentioned the financial thing, just like this lady mentioned not liking being alone. I think really that's just part of the whole equation. There's more to it. It really can't be just that. AND the other thing is that they had fallen out of love for us, and their gaining that back. So in a way, right now they don't have that full fledged love they might have had in the beginning. It's not going to be the same as in the beginning because that's the "feelings", those new exciting feelings being with someone new and falling in love. They've already been there with you, so this time while it is somewhat similar, because it's like your dating all over again, it's still different, and their going to GROW to love you again.

Does that make sense?
didn't mean to post that on my thread instead of yours.

[S.T. _I Made It!]

link to house pics

It's kinda wild for the colors in the house, but H picked out the dark orange color so it was really hard for me to pick others that matched. The pictures look more bright than what it looks like in real life. I actually MADE the color that's on the fireplace wall. I had to remake it like 4 times cause I ran out and used it in the halls, luckily it wasn't too hard.

The landscaping I did all the brick stuff, like the retainer wall a couple years ago, but finished with all the rock and stepping stones and more plants recently.

Let me know what you think!

[NikB]

ST - thanks and yes, that all makes perfect sense. Patience, I know.

Wow your house looks great!! I really like that color - very fun and bright. Good job on the fireplace wall color too, I think it's perfect. That's a lot of work - looks wonderful!! Want to come decorate my house??

[S.T. _I Made It!]

Thanks Nikki! It's really hard to look at something you did and tell if it looks good or not. Same with my songs I write.

But I bet I won't be doing any of this kinda stuff very soon! It WAS a lot of work.

Well, I had 2 hours of sleep last night working on a presentation to get it on dvd and I just wouldn't give up cause I wanted it to work darnit! So then I drove 3 hours to wichita this morning on my 2 hours of sleep. yikes! I'm still doing good though, been downing my juice all night!

Wish me luck at my meeting! I'm doing this one all by myself..first time.

I probably won't be on much, so everyone have a great week!

CM hope things are going well for you!

[S.T. _I Made It!]

well, I'm worn out now! Had a tasting party tonight and I did it all by myself. wow. so much info going thru my brain and out my mouth! Never thought I'd be doing presentations in front of people. Good thing I've played piano and sang in front of people. Talking isn't so bad. compared to that.

I remember being is public speaking in HS and I was AWEFUL. oh my gosh. I couldn't hardly look up and shaking and all that. I'm definitely not the child I was in school that's for sure.

H's bday was today. my bday he was suppose to take me out but ended up driving to dallas to buy a car. never got a card or present either. so I didn't get him one. told him now we're even. kinda would actually like to get him something, but just been really busy and he's soooo hard to pick for. very picky. It's funny, he would be upset with me for not using his gifts, but yet he would exchange mine sometimes.

Is it weird that we hardly say ILY, especially on the phone? I guess I'm always hesitant to say things first. That's just how I've been. Just curious. I think there's a lot of intimacy that we're missing. We really don't hardly kiss and rarely if ever hold hands. in bed we snuggle more, but that's the only time we say ILY and really touch. I should probably change that huh? We're probably not showing our kids what intimacy really is too.

hmmmmmm. okay, I'm tired. need to go rest my brain!

[NikB]

ST - glad things went so well with the meeting, great job!!

To this day I pass out if I try to speak in front of people, so I am impressed.

About the intimacy.. hmm.. I don't know if it's weird, but if you're sensing something is wrong, it's probably good to address it somehow (probably through action?). We all know where ignoring the problems gets us...

How? I have no idea, still working on those things myself - but it's probably good to change things up and see what happens?

[S.T. _I Made It!]

it's not that it's weird per say, it's actually "normal" for us. It's always been this way really. Our whole R just started out weird.

I was always the type to reciprocate what others would do. Like if someone gave me a hug, or was the "touchy" type, I would be the same, but if the opposite, well, I followed too.

So since my H wasn't the "touchy" type, I wasn't either. And really I do like being that way, but unless someones like that with me, I am uncomfortable being that way. I think maybe due to insecurity, or when I'm the initiator everytime I eventually feel like, why do I keep doing this, when they never do.

So I ask because I'm not really sure what the "perfect", or "wow" (as you mentioned in your thread) couple look like or act like.

My parents got D when I was 14 and I don't remember how they acted together when they were together.

So, I'm thinking that we've caused this lack of intimacy all those years and I'm not sure if it is necessary to "fix" it, or what. I would say that I want to be more intimate, but it's not a priority for me. So, I guess I should just initiate it every once in a while anyways because it would probably be good for us and our R.

Nikki...on the public speaking... OMGOSH, that is/was not me at all. I've HATED talking in big crowds, that is soo not my thing. However, as I've gotten older, I've gotten better. Especially having to play piano/keyboard in front of people, and I have sang for weddings (a few) but TALKING is definitely different. But I was pretty proud of myself! I wasn't even that nervous this time! I think it's because I've researched so much and really truely understand it and I LOVE it, so I really think I can do this.

[S.T. _I Made It!]

just wanted to mention that my H seemed pretty anxious for us to get back home. That was definitely a nice feeling compared to last year! He actually missed the kids and we were only gone for like 4 days!

THEN, he was all over me this weekend! I almost said, did ya miss me? but never did. he did seem a little more "touchy" this weekend too. I guess he must have great timing too.

Two more weeks and we'll be in Vegas! Hope we have a nice time. I've been there so many times, it's not my thing really, but I'll try to have fun as much as possible since he's never really been there and I know he's excited. I just hope the rest of the group doesn't want to do anything "crazy". I'm not really sure what I mean, but maybe like, going to a strip bar, or getting trashed, or stuff like that.

I'm sure it will be fun though. I wish I could find some dumb pair of shorts. I can't believe how hard it is. NO ONE has shorts. and if they do, it's the nickers or they're so short you can see your butt. and if I try anything on that looks stylish, they fit around my butt but are huge around my waist in the back, so you can see down my shorts. not very attractive. guess I either need to find an african-american store, or else gain some weight in my back or loose some of my butt. no offense to anyone who may be black. I love my ghetto bootie

[S.T. _I Made It!]

Last night, my son woke up again, and I take him back and fall asleep on his bed cuz I'm so tired. well, when I finally got back in ours at 4am, H asked if I was okay, I said ya I guess. He was half asleep, but for him to ask that was pretty cool. Then this morning I woke up to see that he wrote a note on the toiletpaper roll, "have a good day". so nice I couldn't believe it. I've always wanted him to write me stuff, but he never ever does. I txt him with a thankyou and it was really cool.

Last night I was kinda annoyed..pms meeting me this week...cuz he was asking me for stuff and not saying please and I don't know, I guess I was just in a not so great mood. But I just played with him, not acting mad, just being sarcastic/funny like. But I ended up doing what he wanted...one thing was make an ad for him to take to work for his bike. I was suppose to go out to the bike and see the mileage and what tires, etc. So I think that's why he wrote that note, since I did something for him lastnight. not sure.

oh, but I saw a keychain that had the name "monica". I said to him later, "who's monica?" and he all the sudden got a sly grin or something, and told me it was a golf cart for the pga and they were using it. But I didn't exactly care for the little grin he had though! What also had happen recently is that while I was in Wichita he asked if I cared he go out one night with some girls from work. I'm thinking, who on earth would they be? (there are no girls he'd want to go out with there) well, it ends up being some Pepsi Hummer driver girls that go around driving this hummer. Well, I told him, I don't know. That just seems kinda weird. Would you care if I did that? he said, well if you went out with some guys at church, and I said, um that's not really the same, you don't even know these girls. Well, I told him, if he was fine with me doing something like that, then I guess I was okay with him. Later in the convo after he found out I might be coming back that night, he said, well call me so I know when your coming in, and I said, oh so you can get the girls out of the house (joking), and he thought that was funny. It kills me that I can joke about that. That's probably not right, or is it?
oh, I forgot he said that stupid line about, if he was doing something he wouldn't be tellin me- or maybe it was he said I wouldn't know about it. I said, you better not say that cuz you said that before and I DID know.

Well, he ended up not going because they wanted to go party at clubs and he didn't want that, just wanted to go out to eat or something cuz he was starving.

I really believe he's not doing anything, just by how everything is. I sometimes think, how quick the whole thing was last year. maybe he really wasn't in an MLC.

okay, gotta go...