First Chapter

[MissingMyHoney]

I have read the first chapter online, I really enjoyed reading it. I have been doing a lot of research in order to help me rebuild my marriage. I am determined for some hope. I have been in and out of emotional affairs and my wife said she tried everything to hold on to me. My 'wife' was the alchohol and chat rooms. I have never been unfaithful to her in any other aspects. I found out she is having an emotional affair and she has not been unfaithful to me either. She gave me an ultimatum when I asked her if she would reconsider. She said she would only reconsider if I leave her alone and dont get into her personal business. Last Monday, we did speak thoroughly and I did get to talk to me more than she ever did before. I made her cry. I asked myself why would she cry if she dont love me anymore. I cried since I know I am guilty of all my wrong doings and I a ashamed of what I did to her. I love her so much now that I wondered what I was thinking of during the years when she tried to make me love her. It was never one day I didnt say I didnt loved her. She asked me if I was ashamed of her body and features. I told her it was never of that since we did get together based on personality rather than physical apperance. I have begun individual counselling. This is what I have been doing:

1. Keep on asking her why.
2. Trying to find out what she has been doing.
3. Asking her to go out with me.
4. Trying to call her at lunch time (cant stay away from doing that)

This is me now as of 7/31/07:

1. I let her be.
2. I dont ask any questions.
3. I will go out alone/or with our child, to the movies, mall, park, and dinner etc.
4. I wont call her unless its of importance.

Lastnight, I was reading the book of Hosea and she smirked when she saw me reading the Holy Bible. I didnt pay attention to her and completely blocked her out. I went to bed on the couch and I could not fall asleep. I was wondering what she was doing in the room and what she was saying on the cell phone. I started to think of the song "Amazing Grace" and I fell asleep.

I woke up in the middle of the night and the first thought that came to mind was to see if she was asleep. Then, I thought about "Amazing Grace" again and fell asleep. When I awake, she and my child was still asleep. I took a shower, got dressed, and left to work.

Approximately, 8:05 AM she called and said our daughter was asking for me. She said for me not to leave to work without telling our daughter I am leaving. This made me think that when she moves my daughter will be going throught withdrawl symtoms from me. I saw this a small step in going into the right direction. If our daughter continues to do so, perhaps she may give in and accept me back into her life since its affecting our child more than we would ever think.

I dont want to wake my child up if she is asleep so that my wife can think deeply of the effects our problem is having on our child and she can feel guilty. She says she will move out 45-60 days from now.

Please advise and God bless.