If H is hounding you for details on your personal life, why not say:
"H, I need to be clear here. I am not going to be more into this R than you are. You are not an open book to me when it comes to your private life. While I think this is very messed up, I am not going to fight it. Instead, I will join you. My life is no longer an open book to you. If you would like to discuss on what points you want openness, we can do that and reach an agreement. If we do so, and you do not honor the agreement, then the agreement is off."
