I think that you're doing very well. You have a lot to be proud of.
You might want to spend some time researching the right marriage counselor, for when the time comes. You need someone with experience, because an inexperienced person can do more harm than good.
MC will probably remain a future plan, since you don't want to push it or even discuss it at this point. Ideally, you would remake yourself, and your habits in dealing with H, to such an extent that he himself wants the counseling, because he has become newly dedicated to the marriage.
I noticed that you're posting on other threads. I think that is a great help, all around!
