Wife gone...Is there hope (Part 2)

[Nomopo]

Strange,

I'm going to have to speak to a lawer about the legal matters concerning the force selling.

Absolutely. In some legal jurisdictions there is what is known as homestead exemptions, where someone can't be forced out of their homes. In addition, if there is enough value in other assets, maybe she can get her share (half? is it less for adultury?) of the marital estate from other assets, and you could keep the house. Just consult with a L to find out all of your options. Be prepared with questions about (1) the filing (eg, what, if anything, is different if she files versus you? what are the consequences of the different reasons for the divorce? why does he think she won't file?), (2) what happens in a D (how do assets get divided? can she force you to sell/liquidate the house? etc.) and (3) anything else you can think of. Prepare so you get your money's worth in one shot.

She is not paying anything towards the house & has not done so in the 3 months since she left. I am paying everything, which I can just get by with doing so.

Make sure L knows this. It may be relevant to your rights.

I think what this comes down to is that W has now realised that she's up to her neck in dept

That stinks. She sounds desperate.

When she left I found out that in sept of last year we had almost £4,000 on the CC I have no real evidance of how that happened but i have a few ideas...Then also in sept of last year W took out a personal loan in her name only & without me knowing & paid the CC bill in total

Could be a good fact in a D. It's her debt, not yours. Tell your L.

Just before she left for what ever reason there was another £4,000 on the CC again..So at the moment she is paying the loan, CC (again) & the loan for the car & God only knows what else.

Tell the L.

Non of the above is in in my name at all it's all in hers. When she left I asked her quite a few times to come talk about this debt, but she would not come & talk about & just made weak excuses for why she would not come.

It's gonna stink if she takes final, short-term action (pushing a D), because her views are clouded by this financial sitch (not to mention OM). But again, you can't control her. Just focus on you, what you want, what you are going to do, and how you are going to react. You control those things. Continue to be strong my friend. You are incredibly strong.

I just called W just to clear up what it is that she wants me to file for against her. As I knew already it is adultery. I asked if D is what she wants & she said yes, then we can move on start to be friends...Yeah right, I bet know ones heard that line before?

Ok, you knew the answer, so that's not really why you called. You called because you're (understandably) upset. No biggie, but think hard about that 48-hour rule. What do you have to lose? Just two days of time. So what's that? Not much.

And keep in mind, she can still file the D if she wants to. Maybe this whole talk of wanting half of the house is just her way to get you to act. I think it might be. Maybe it is working. In my mind, her saying she wants half the house is even more reason NOT to file, to act, to give her the D she wants you to file. Something is fishy.

Anyway my time is now, I have had enough & it's time to say quits. I cant do this anymore to myself, it still hurts & I know going ahead with the D is not a magic switch that turns the pain off. But I just can't keep this up anymore.

This is completely your right and choice, and none of us would fault you if this is where you go. Just use the 48 hours to be sure, please.

I told her that I am filing for adultery..I don't care anymore if it's what she says she wants now, I did,

I don't care what you told her (you can always change your mind), and I just want you to be sure.

I really did hold on to that little chance that she may see some light & change her mind.

I will just say it ain't over until it's over, in my mind.

Part of me still thinks thats possible, I just won't be waiting for that to happen.

It is still possible. And if a D happens, there's lots of support on here for post-D people, so check it out when you're up to it.

My main focus is that my M is truly over now & there is no turning back.

If that is your decision, then fine. Just be sure and let the emotions come down first. Ok?

She left me for a person that she had known just a matter of weeks before she left me & only began serious talks with him 4 days prior to leaving me, I have proof of all this too. It is not something that was happening months behind my back. This has always made me feel totally rejected by her & I hope one day that she feels this & knows just how that does feel.

She has BIG issues. But we knew that. And I know you have been and are hurting, and I AM VERY SORRY FOR THAT. Yes, she rejected you (so far), and that totally stinks. But you are A GREAT GUY, and you are a better person for this experience. NO DOUBT ABOUT IT AT ALL. And you will become a better person every day.

Strange, my friend, you have had one of the toughest sitches I know of, and I respect you tremendously for how you have handled it. I am actually getting emotional just thinking about it. You should be damn proud of yourself. You deserve a LOT better, and you will get it one day (from W or someone else), I am sure.

I'm going to shutup because this if going to turn into one huge rant..

That is perfectly fine and understandable.

My dear friend Strange, I sincerely hope you don't stop posting. I don't think you will. At a minimum, visit me from time to time so I can know how you are doing. And I want you to keep taking care of yourself. You are worth it. You may regret some things in your past, but you don't have to regret anything else from this point forward. You control all of what you do, and you have learned a ton. You are going to make the life you deserve.

Onward and upward (right?),
Nomo