Yea, she's immature, unforgiving, self-destructive and a pain in the a%& sometimes, but I love that woman, warts n' all. She is the only woman who has truly been both my best friend and my lover and totally faithful through it all. Some couples have nothing in common, and not even a song they can call there own. We have an entire library of songs, books, movies, restaurants, phrases, foods, jokes, that were "ours". We enjoy the same activities, travel, shared dreams for our future and similar career interests.
I DO love the real person. I think the difference is that I am an optimist, always believing in and trying to pull out the best in people/her, and she is a pessimist, focusing on the negatives within herself and others, which is the root of most of her dissatisfaction. Don't get me wrong, I know she has a lot of work to do, as do I, if we are going to make it. She walked out because she said she didn't want to do the work anymore, but as she we are in this period of "limbo", I am really trying to have faith in her that she will see that what we have IS worth the work, and that she will carry these probs with her as long as she doesn't do the work on herself. In the meantime, I have been making many positive changes within myself, and doing what I feel is right-holding to my vows, being faithful, forgiving her, and getting back to my spirituality. And yes, she IS that bad, but she is also equally loving, compassionate, supportive, highly intelligent and a joy to be around, when she is not working in her negative. It just so happens she is very extreme at both ends of the scale, and unless she finds some middle ground to live by, she is doing herself more damage than anyone else. It just makes it very hard to live with, and should she return, I won't just take her back and revert to our old ways. She will need to show me she is truly committed and willing to work on our M, or it will never work!
