One link at a time

[BeingMe]

Thanks for posting, Aud and Alison! Look forward to reading your response, Phoenix. There are no abusive dynamics in our R, except for some passive-aggressive behaviour on H's part, lack of trust on mine, and very little intimacy. Other than that, we are pretty happy.

My problem is that we have moved so much because my H gets dissatisfied/bored with a job after about 2 years and then he wants to change (although, there have been other issues too, on occasion), and that usually means we move. The longest we've stayed in one place, is when we lived in our last house in our previous city - 6 years (and, my H couldn't wait to leave because he hated the freezing weather in winter)! It gave the twins the chance to go to the same school from Grade 7 to high school graduation. I would like to give my D14 the same opportunity. I know that she would probably prefer a united family, and would most likely settle very well in a new city, but how long before we have to move again? As I stated before, she is in the Air Force cadets and one has to remain constant in order to get promotion, and earn flying lessons, and eventually (my D14 hopes) her pilot's licence. My son is also relying on our support (financially) for school, and we cannot afford to put him up in his own place, or to go into university res. Not only that, I'm not sure if he will stay here and complete his schooling if we leave (and, if he comes with us, he will not be able to work in the USA). This is a new city for him too, and he doesn't know anyone here.

I am leaning toward trying this out for a year, and if at the end of that year, it's just not working then we will have to find a solution that will benefit all of us. We can't keep following my H around North America .... I am tired of it myself. I didn't even want to make any new friends here 'cause I felt we would just be moving sometime, and I was right. I didn't mind as much when I thought of my H as my best friend (so didn't mind not having friends for awhile in a new place), and trusted him, but that's pretty much out the window for now, and he hasn't done much to change that feeling.

I am really torn here. More than any other time. I have never, in the past, minded making sacrifices for the sake of my H's career, but I moved here for him despite my qualms and trust issues, and I told him that I do not want to move again. And, here we are, facing the very thing I did not want. When is he going to make sacrifices for me and his family? He could've waited out all the changes at the last job before being forced to make a decision. He is depressed and wants to fill his life with changes, and we just have to follow along?

Anyway, he doesn't want to move our D14 either, and he wants S20 to get his degree, and there will be no other way to do that. He says he's going to talk to the kids this weekend, so we'll see what happens then.

Ugh, so sick of the drama that is my life, sometimes. Just want some peace and quiet for a time, and the chance to settle down.

Aud, my kids have learned a lot about perseverence/delayed gratification, etc. from all the moving we've made. Our family immigrated from our birth country 11 years ago, and I can tell you, it was not picnic in the park for our kids. They had to learn how to adjust to a whole new country with totally different culture, values, histories, etc. than where we come from, plus having not family to fall back on, etc. Immigration is the hardest thing I have ever experienced (harder, even then my H's betrayal in many ways). They, then had to adjust to living in the USA a year after we arrived in Canada, then back to Canada after the USA. It's a lot for kids to have to deal with. It's almost like being in a military family, except I think we've moved more often than most military families. I think our job as parents is to give our kids a stable, constant home, and I think we've failed in that regard, to a certain extent. Although, our kids haven't lacked for anything materially speaking, but they have in having long friendships, which I think is important.

'Eh, this is getting long now, so thanks again for posting. Hope everyone is having a good week.