Although I feel good about the changes I've made personally, I thought about the ways I was "tripping myself up" in my quest for more positive R's.
The ones that stood out the most were;
-Focusing on H & what he might mean/be saying with every encounter & putting a negative spin on it & letting it effect my PMA.
-Focusing on H's "dating".
-Focusing on H & what he might mean/be saying & putting too positive a spin on it, increasing my expectations.
-Focusing on the future & what might happen, also giving my PMA a hit.
Since it all seems to work in a domino effect, today is going to be a more positive outlook together with maintaining the changes until they become so stink'n ingrained that it's difficult to remember when it wasn't always that way.
A couple of days ago when H was here to P/U the kids to take them to dinner, he said something re;finances that struck me as an indication of his intent to remain separate.
Even though there were other things that could be seen as positive, I let that remark sink my PMA. Even if I didn't say anything to him, he could tell o/c.
The next day I had to call him b/c the refrigerator wasn't working & he was a little short/curt with me. I got off the phone pretty quickly & decided I wouldn't call him again, just handle it.
A couple of hours later he called "to check in on what the status was" in a nice, easy going way. I told him it was all under control & "Thanks for asking, I'll let you know how it turns out", in an upbeat, postive way. To be honest, I was thinking how that if he were to want to get back together, it would have to be a pretty different R for me to want it.
As I was trying to salvage what I could by putting food into a tiny refrig. we have upstairs, OM/EA who just happened to be in the neighborhood dropped by. I didn't expect anyone & sure didn't look my best, but he came in & gave me a few ideas on what to do re;frig. He, on the other hand, looked great;at least 10lbs thinner, nice shirt & looked happy. Stayed about 5 minutes, wished me luck & left.
It all left me with the desire to get back to putting the focus on myself, keeping up the positive changes & letting happen what will happen.
