HELLLLLLLLLLP,,,need advice asap!

[Dom R]

She is defensive and unconfident in her ability to give me love as well as to receive it

believe me, I know what that is like.

If I walk away from my so-called "mismatched marriage", then I will be no less of the problem than she.

I am not saying you should push for divorce, or push her away. I am suggesting that if she wants to go, perhaps you should let her.

We are NOT mismatched d$%# it,

willful blindness, is NOT going to help you stay married. Denying your differences, makes it MORE difficult to be married. Acknowledging them, allows you to first understand them, and then better deal with them.

...
I know it's only because she is convinced that she failed and isn't fit for marriage-and the only reason she isn't , is not due to her age, or her selfishness

again.. lying to yourself that she is a better person than she is.. doesnt help your marriage. True love, recognizes a person for what they are, and loves them anyway.

If you need to lie to yourself to cover up her behaviour and attitudes with better motivations than what they really are... if that's the only way you can maintain your "love" for her... then you dont really love HER. you love your fake projection of someone else, onto her.

I dont know your true situation. I dont know if she's really as bad as she sounds.

But going by what you have written about her... she Is That Bad.

if you choose to love her still.. by all means, please love her! the world needs more selfless love. Just make sure you are loving her, not an illusion.

Good luck, and God bless.