WAW1978's adventures in DB'ing

[Gone Dancin']

waw,

I think Nomo is exactly right here. It makes perfect sense to me, and slightly reflects my actions relatively early in the separation (my being helpful, then spiteful and filing for D, being insensitive, then nice, etc).

Did you ever go over the list you made for H about your needs with your IC, with the MC, etc? If so, how'd it go? Like Nomo, I'd also like to know if you discussed getting H on board with DR with your C.

GD

[waw1978]

Thanks for the ongoing support here! I am glad to you all to bounce ideas & questions off of. It certainly helps give me some insight to the other side of things.

To be fair, my Dad will be footing the bill for my rental since I cannot afford to pay my mortgage and a rental.

Yes, H has done some crazy things since this all started. He is def not thinking clearly. These crazy mood swings and personality changes are just part of the rollercoaster I guess. I keep encouraging him to seek IC as he has been unstable and think he would benefit from this while we are both seeing the MC as well. In a non-pressuring way of course...usually when I go see my IC I will comment on how much its helped me and maybe he would find it beneficial as well. He did see our MC 1 time on his own but H thought this would ultimately hurt our MC endeavors.

I am going to go and meet with the atty as planned. I really need to get a clear picture of my rights and protect myself.

[Nomopo]

No prob. with the L.. Just keep it to yourself.

How about having the MC tell H about DR (with or without you there). You could add that you've read it, and you feel like unless he understands what it says about where WAS are and what people in his shoes need to do to give the best chance, you have serious serious serious doubts that the M can be saved.

Thinking out loud,
Nomo

[waw1978]

The MC sesh on Sat was totally derailed. After the nasty fights last week, I abandoned my list as I was ready to quit MC altogether and just file for the D.

I barely spoke during the MC sesh because I had resigned myself to thinking that there was no hope. I let H do most of the talking during the sesh. The wall was up and I wasn't letting the drawbridge down so to speak.

I have suggested the DR to H, he even thumbed through and chuckled at something in it (not sure what) but I have told him that this is a "road map" of sorts to help us but so far nothing. The MC had heard of Michelle but wasn't familiar with this particular book.

I am def not going to tell anyone abt the meeting with the atty. Its just fact finding/pricing etc.

[Gone Dancin']

waw,

The MC sesh on Sat was totally derailed. After the nasty fights last week, I abandoned my list as I was ready to quit MC altogether and just file for the D.

I'm sorry to hear that, but understand how frustrated you must feel. Did you keep the list? Would you still be willing to present it in MCing so the C could address it and put in a context that H would respect? I think having the C there to help H to address the items in the list would be very beneficial. He would likely lower his defenses and be a little more respectful in regard to what the list contains.

I barely spoke during the MC sesh because I had resigned myself to thinking that there was no hope. I let H do most of the talking during the sesh.

What did he say, talk about, etc? What was the C's response to all of this and how was the sesh overall?

Hope you have some better interaction in the days ahead (hope that H keeps up the nice guy attitude too -- maybe he will see that this is what is necessary to help get the M back on the right track).

GD

[Gone Dancin']

hey waw,

I was hoping to get another opinion from a WAW about something that recently happened between my W and I and what I'm doing to undo it. If you find the time, could you check out a few pages of my thread, starting here backslide If you read the post containing the conversation between my W and I there, and then skip to the post from today, July 31 at 12:58 here fix it idea you should have all the info you need.

Thanks a bunch and keep doing what you can do!

GD

[waw1978]

I did keep the list. I may bring it up this week.

This is going to sound awful but I don't even remember most of what was talked about on Saturday. I just sat there stewing and trying not to cry. I have spent the last 2 sessions balling my eyes out as I recalled all the awful things that H has said and done to me over the years.

I will catch up on your sitch and give you my nickels worth. Thank you again for your help with mine

[waw1978]

Oh...sorry. I remembered what the sesh was focusing on on Sat...how my H puts our daughter & his family before me. Maybe thats also why i tuned out. I have lived it first hand didn't want or need to be reminded that I was just an afterthought to him.

[Heimlich]

WAW,

Aha, I remembered my thought for you, such as it is. Is your counseller offering any positive actions for your H to DO or is she/he just allowing both of you to get your feelings out? You may have mentioned this earlier, but can't recall.

I found that when my W and I went to counselling, she gave up on our M as my W was adamant in that "It's over." Got a lot of feelings out, but didn't offer any advice for how feelings can change (don't even think she mentioned that feelings can change, though that may just be sour grapes on my part).

BD

[waw1978]

Yes, the MC has been doing both. First exploring what are issues are, how they became issues, how we both feel. He has offered suggestions to my H on how to move forward. Not so much to me since it seems all the complaints are mine...H still is maintaining he was just fine with our M and no complaints about me...weird. i am assuming sooner or later he will have to have something to say about me.