Here's another little tip. Throwing yourself into other sitches helps take your mind off yours (and your problems and your pain, etc.) It makes you stronger.
M 39 W 39 M'd 10 yrs; T 14 yrs S7 D4 Bomb 5-8-05 W not working on M 1-22-07; EA 2-22 DB 4-10 S 6-11 No more C Link
Just wanted to say, on your thread as I know a lot of people gain so much from you, my situtation is almost identical to yours I'm in the UK (if that makes any difference!)
Every one on this board is amazing I just wish I had the words to help as well but I can't put things across as well as CVA, GD et al one other person I've found as amazing is Frank D he was sucessful and went through some pretty rough situations so if anyone feels their situation is rubbish check out his.
Sorry for the hijack but hopefully when I make it I can contribute more.
All the best to everyone and Nomopo for saying what a lot of people would like to but can't
Charlie
Me 39 W 39 D8 S5 Married 13yrs Together 20years EA June 06 Ilyninlwy Jan 07 Seperated Jan 07
Hello STT/Charlie! Glad to meet you. I can honestly say I have never met a Charlie I didn't like. I've got a great partner right down the hall from me.
Have you posted your sitch yet? Curious since it sounds to be pretty similar to mine. Let me know. Frank's reputation precedes him (I have heard many many many good things), but I haven't had a chance to read any of his stuff yet, and I haven't had the good fortune to have him on my thread (though I have tons of great support). Hopefully one day one or both of those will happen.
I see you're pretty new. My advice - post early and often!! Good luck!
Nomo
M 39 W 39 M'd 10 yrs; T 14 yrs S7 D4 Bomb 5-8-05 W not working on M 1-22-07; EA 2-22 DB 4-10 S 6-11 No more C Link
Nomo, I know that you are trying to catch up, but if you get a chance, can you pop over to my thread? I am overthinking things and making myself crazy...not sure if anyone can help with this, but always appreciate your input. Thanks, Donna
You sound good - I've just been catching up with you. I've been interviewing for jobs in the state we're moving to, and have been busy around the house packing. A looooong time ago you asked me to share a bit about myself. I am 26 and my H is 33. We've been married 4 and a half years, together 6. Our separation happened when we had only been married four months, and because of that, no one in my off-BB life was supportive when I said I wanted to try and work on it. We have two children together, both boys. One is 5 (you can see part of the story there if you do some simple arithmetic!) and our youngest will be two in August.
I work in healthcare administration - currently I'm in the patient services department at an oncology clinic, but I've accepted a new position at a home health care agency in the area of Arkansas we're moving to - we live in central Illinois right now.
My husband was in San Diego last weekend, but for a convention - oddly enough, my brother was also there for his annual training for the Army Reserves. Did you have a good trip? Looking forward as always to your journalling...
Myrrh
One moment of patience may ward off great disaster. One moment of impatience may ruin a whole life.
Hi Lyrael!! Feeling good lately!! Glad to hear from you. I am so behind on journaling, but its coming. Thanks for the background info! And Arky, huh? We'll be neighbors!! My mom was born and raised in SW Ark. Near Texarkana.
Catch you later! Gotta run to meet the kids and SuperDad and his kids at the pool!
Nomo
M 39 W 39 M'd 10 yrs; T 14 yrs S7 D4 Bomb 5-8-05 W not working on M 1-22-07; EA 2-22 DB 4-10 S 6-11 No more C Link
Just wanted to copy some recent posts to my thread for future reference. This one is from Ian for Willing NJ H:
Originally Posted By: sofaraway
Hello will, that was the longest read i have had in some time. Let me preface some of this by telling you that I am originally a Jersey guy myself. Born in Livingston and raised in Morristown during my formidable years.
I believe that guys in or from jersey have one problem in common. We believe that the male must be in charge of conversations and we tend to overtalk everything.
Whenever my W and i used to talk I would swear to myself that I would shut up and listen. Then magically at some point in the conversation I would end up taking over and dominating the talking. A rule of thumb for you for future talks, a good listener always speaks less than their partner. Keep that in mind, it helps.
Your W believe it or not is showing some great signs. I know they are hard for you to see, but from the outside and watching many situations over time, they are very obvious to me.
Your W is aware that friendship is the core to solid relationships and marriages. Most women are. She is telling you she doesnt want to deal with or think about the R, do you know why? She doesn't know what she wants right now, she hasnt given up on your marriage yet, she's just not sure so talking about your R appears to be encouragement to her and she doesnt want to encourage you about something that may not happen.
Do not convince yourself that she doesnt want the marriage simply because of her avoidance of the topic. It's not how she will work through this. Be more concerned about her watching you, watching your changes, viewing how you behave and handle all of this. She wants to see that you love her, not hear it. She wants to know that you are going to be a good dad no matter what, she wants to see that you are working on yourself and your behaviors so that she knows that you arent simply blaming her for all the marital issues, and she wants to see if you can actually listen to her needs and meet them, when she says no R talk, can you honor that.
Understand that the EA means absolutely nothing to you. If it did matter she would not be working on the friendship together and cohabitating in order to develop that friendship. She would not agree to go to a counsellor with you or at least put up a fight. A picture of her with him with his shirt off means nothing, it's just a picture. Get that crap out of your head as quickly as possible.
Lastly, with the job that you have, you need to keep your head clear. One of the things that has worked for me has been my attitude and positive way of viewing things. I convinced myself that it doesnt matter what the outcome is to my marriage, what matters is me becoming myself again, doing everything I could to save my family, and faith that no matter what I would be ok with or without my wife. It is important that you get your mind right, your job is too dangerous not to. One of the things that helped me was scheduling mourning time. I set aside a hour every day in the morning to mourn my R and how it was going andmade me feel. I did not deal with it during work hours. Eventually this went to 30 minutes every morning, and now I do not even need that time. Give yourself a break, you dont need to spend 24/7 in order to save your marriage.
Take care of you,
Ian
Great stuff!
M 39 W 39 M'd 10 yrs; T 14 yrs S7 D4 Bomb 5-8-05 W not working on M 1-22-07; EA 2-22 DB 4-10 S 6-11 No more C Link
