Thanks everyone. I was away all day GAL - a new hobby - acting. I was on a movie set as an extra for the first time. I loved it!
I appreciate your comments. RCR, it hadn't dawned on me that H thought me a hypocrite for asking for a D after stating that he was the one for me. I really thought that asking for the D was taking the fear of it happening to me and turning it into something that he would now know did not scare me. Your insight is powerful.
I do not want a D. However, I believe if this isn't MLC there are other mental health/addictions going. But the abruptness of the way he ran away, the quickness of the PA after what I can only guess was a lengthy EA all seems to point to MLC. And the spew! It's been painful to hear the things that have come out of his mouth directed at me the one he not long ago "cherished and adored". It's done a number on my psyhche as you all can imagine and understand. I gave his opinion way too much respect to the point that I actually have struggled to believe other than what he has said. But I am rebuilding MY life thank God for it. The massive support of my friends and family and therapist have been so helpful but it's only because of my renewed relationship with Him that I am anywhere near healing. I will talk to my therapist about what action (if any) I need to take.
BM - This relationship is 8 years old. We've been living together for 6 years married for 4 of those. This is my second marriage, my H's first. We were both 37 when we married. Old enough to 'know'. And we were on the same page, for a long time we were. I know that in my heart because I lived it. If he believes otherwise now, it is what he has told himself in order to live with his deceit and betrayal. It doesn't hurt any less knowing this. It saddens me to know that he doesn't want to think there was any good or any love on his part for the past eight years. But I have to ask myself (believe me, I've done much speaking to myself these last several months) if he tells me know that he's been lying for eight years, why is it I should believe him? He could be lying just as easily now and if I didn't know it then, how would I know now?
We have no children together (thank God) but I do have two adult children from my first marriage and two grandchildren (each of my children has a child). And my daughter has been challenging and a stressful situation on our R. We had her son live with us for a few months early '06 and that really put stress on our R. But we talked about things and we worked through things. So I thought...it was never revealed to me that he wasn't committed to our R. The stresses were never things we didn't tackle as a couple.
This co-worker he began dating - he told me when he "finally asked her out" (just days after he left) that she didn't want to get involved with a co-worker. It speaks to her character if that was her only concern. What about the fact that he's someone elses H! And she knew that, she knows me. She knew we were together just weeks before. But ultimately, he was the one who stepped out of the M. If it wasn't her, it would be someone else. He was looking for an escape route. Cowardly unwilling to address conflict with me. Thinking that a happy relationship is where people are compatible and don't have struggles. I don't even have that kind of relationship with myself!
And you're right about him being nice. I've rethought the interaction at the grocery store. At the time I thought he was being pleasant and he didn't need anything else from me. I didn't realise this waiver was such a big deal to him. He's brought it up three times since May and I really don't believe it's an issue.
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It sounded as though you regretted asking him to do this in June. What are your reasons now? Is this what you want? If not, don't do it. It's not what he wants...
You're right. It's not what I want. The point was to let him know that the law states and I believe that he is committing adultery. He didn't deny it, instead, he came back at me with the statement that I'm not accepting the real reason he left our marriage - that he doesn't love me and felt I manipulated and controlled him. Totally off topic as it doesn't really matter at this point. But he seems to be adamant that unless I agree with why he says he left, then I'm not accepting it. How controlling is that?
Thanks you guys. I've got a never ending supply of thoughts and questions. I'm sure I'm not alone. And you're right - I don't NEED to know unless there is something terminally ill going on. That's what I'm not sure of. That might explain his intention to have me sign this waiver. It might even be a reason he left. But he's not telling me in an outright way and I can't read his mind. He's accused me of not doing that too! Told me if I'm so intuitive, how did I not know how unhappy he was. Everything is my fault
