well the pull back happened tonight. as expected, sort of torn up about it but not that bad.
so this morning w wanted a second honeymoon, for real. there is no way i could get the time off right now, expressed this and offered a shorter time, maybe a th, f, m thing. i think it was a shock to her heart to cut the time. but it just isn't feasible.
handled the car well, we drove around with the top down, stereo up having a good time. went back to the house and started watching one of her horror flicks. then it was time to talk.
so she can't move in now, she is too scared. she did say that yesterday when we each laid our cards on the table she meant it and still does, but now she is just so scared. so her position hasn't changed, it has just slowed. our mini honeymoon is now a few weeks away, but we did talk about a b&b and specific spot, people don't just go to b&b's unless there is something? do they? need a little reassurance here.
well here comes the scary as hell part. bil is in town tomorrow, the one that would just assume i die a slow painful death. so i told him to invite him over. if i don't extend the hand, he is going to kill everythig i have done. i hate to do this, but i think him and i are going to have some one on one. nothing about us, but about what i have done, going to have to swallow a lot of pride and suck it up.
i guess i'm in a position that dr doesn't address. all emotions, feelings, thoughts were all put out there last night by w and i. we now know that we each hurt, duh, but i mean there is no mystery, looking like i gal, nothing. it all out there. how do i play that now? i can't suddently go back to doing my own thing, she sat on the couch and let me rub her feet again. asked if we could watch a movie tomorrow.
i don't want to appear to pull back, but now i feel that she is pressured. i guess my answer is to walk the tight rope.
