I think going dark is definitely a good idea at this point. Of course, you'll need to monitor the results to see if it is helping you, hurting you, or keeping things about the same. It'll take at least a few weeks before you can really take any data away from it, so be patient and stick with it.
I'm new and haven't had a chance to read the book yet, BUT I'll give you my opinion. My preacher, who also happens to be one of my closest friends, told me to "ignore" my husband. I think he's talking about what the book calls "going dark". So, I think it's probably a good idea and I've read threads here were people have done this and it was successful. I hope you have some sort of breakthrough b/c I know what kind of pain you are going through (as do most here). Have you done telephone coaching? Maybe you can ask one of the coaches what they think. Just a thought.
The more I think about it, the more I think going dark is my best option, hopefully it will arouse my Ws curiosity.
Me:38 W: 35 Married 11 years 2 daughters ages 7 and 3 D filed by her [url]http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1143353&page=2#Post1143353[/url]
W just called me to let me know that our 4 year old is sick, she said her mom will keep her tonight since my W has to work in the morning, I hope she doesn't take this as an opportunity to go party, but I'm sure she will.
Me:38 W: 35 Married 11 years 2 daughters ages 7 and 3 D filed by her [url]http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1143353&page=2#Post1143353[/url]
Yeah, I know. Talked to her again just a bit ago and it was a really good conversation, lasted longer than usual and she kept it going, lots of "yeah" and "mmmhmms" on my part and a little laughter on both of our parts , she did most of the talking and I just listened, of course she did ask me what I pay in insurance for the kids each month on my company plan (attny stuff), but I told her and then she just kept talking and talking...it was like...we were friends. Very nice.
Last edited by Iamworththetime; 07/31/0707:04 PM.
Me:38 W: 35 Married 11 years 2 daughters ages 7 and 3 D filed by her [url]http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1143353&page=2#Post1143353[/url]
One other note of interest, in the midst of asking about the insurance info, I had to look it up on the computer, when I got back to my W and said "okay, here it is", she said "Ok, go ahead honey" this was a term of endearment that she used to use for me before all of this mess, it confused me to say the least.
Me:38 W: 35 Married 11 years 2 daughters ages 7 and 3 D filed by her [url]http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1143353&page=2#Post1143353[/url]
I find that sometimes, when my W is not making a conscious effort to make me realize that she does not love me, things like this slip out. She will call me the names she used to before all this occurred. Maybe just an old habit, or maybe a sign that things aren't as bad as they let on.
I find myself doing the same thing. Sometimes an ILY will sneak out when I am not really paying attention just because it comes so naturally. I just do my best not to make a big deal of it.
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1162413&page=2#Post1162413 M-28 W-28 Together 10 years Married 2 years No children Things started taking a turn in 01/07
So, I just talked to my W again, this is the fourth time to call me today. She called me and said " I thought you were going to call and check on E(youngest D)" I replied with " Oh, I'm sorry, I thought you said that she was staying over at your mom and dads tonight so I called over there and your mom told me that you were going to drop her off in the morning on your way to work, so I figured since it was late that y'all might be asleep already and I was just going to call tomorrow." She then asked me if I was alseep, I guess I kind of sounded that way, but I was actually using what I call my "soft, easy voice" that I use to project calmness ( I actually am tired,I've been up since 4am yesterday. Now, I know some of you are saying to yourselves "So she called, big deal", well it is a big deal because this is out of the norm for her, you can bet you postier that if I had been at work, she wouldn't have called. She proceeded to tell me all about D and how her day was when she got home, and then she in a "I'm curious about what your doing right now, but I'm going to come straight out and ask kind of way" asked me if I had to go into work early tonight like I did last night and, kind of probed as to what I was doing at the moment, I of course told her the truth because I damn sure do't want her to think that I've let go completey and am now seeing other women, I said " We're just sitting here watching "Goodfellas" and I'm about to go to bed because I'm beat". She asked me a few more fishing questions but without really trying to seem to be and I answered honestly again and then told her " Well, I talk to you later, goodnight. It was another very nice convo, with lots of mmmhmms, and yeahs, and oh reallys by me and a few that's great thrown in for good measure, the funny thing is that I did it naturally and not forced, I was really listening to her. It makes me feel good that she called.
Me:38 W: 35 Married 11 years 2 daughters ages 7 and 3 D filed by her [url]http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1143353&page=2#Post1143353[/url]
I could be totally wrong, but I think it has bothered her more than she thought it would that I've moved out of the house, and now she's the one that is starting to think "Hmmm, I miss him more than I thought." I'm more than likely totaly batsh*t wrong.
Me:38 W: 35 Married 11 years 2 daughters ages 7 and 3 D filed by her [url]http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1143353&page=2#Post1143353[/url]
