I am finally getting a little of that stronger feeling back, like maybe I CAN actually detach and get my PMA back on track.
It's weird that it's so much harder now. I guess maybe it's because before, he wanted out and was being disrespectful/hurtful. Now he's "working on it" but STILL willing to do that to me?? Ouch. Glad I finally realized that though, I was finding myself lost as to why I felt so different now.
Donna Somehow I totally missed your post before, sorry!! Thanks for posting. The appt is on Thursday although it looks like now I'm going by myself. H still wants to go though so that's good.
Donna and SD - this next part answers some of what you both wrote.
My Dad's BD and the MC were my two big "plans" for the week - but decided I needed to do more "me time" things. So tonight I think I'm going to a movie with one of the meetup groups that I only met once, but really liked. Tomorrow maybe work on that love letter to myself.
I really do need to get my PMA back up. I used to be able to "force" it and I haven't even been able to do THAT this week. I can fake a smile but I haven't been able to make myself FEEL it. Not sure why.
Friday night H and I are going out of town to a concert and then a romantic B&B overnight (planned for a couple months now). I hope that goes ok, trying to act "as if" it will be great!! I absolutely love going to concerts and have only rarely been able to drag H to them (and not in years), so I was really excited that he actually WANTED to go to this one.
We were going to spend the whole weekend up there but now he has to come back Saturday to help his mom with some repairs at the family cabin... kind of bummed, but that might actually be better anyway. Saturday night I have a number of things to pick from which is pretty cool. A number of different meetup groups, friend who's going to be racing, or some other community type events that I could invite someone to. Not sure what to pick yet but I like having choices!
SD Thanks for the balloon reminder, I always liked that idea and will try it!
Wow that's quite a thought that he might be looking to get a reaction. I do feel sometimes like he WANTS me to get pissed enough to leave so he doesn't have to be the "bad guy" who left. I like that idea for how to respond. Need to get back to the calm, cool, collected for sure.
ST Yep, I'm going to do that on the MC. Thanks for the reminder to share the positives - it would be tempting to just complain about the bad stuff going on now, and I need to NOT do that. If this is all we had together there'd be nothing worth saving - gotta focus on all the GOOD things.
I do remember that relaxation class, and forgot I had gotten some hypnosis CDs awhile back. I think I'll give those a try. Unfortunately the class turned out to be kind of a nightmare. It was a meetup thing and the lady was great the first few times we all got together, but then started basically using it as a front to sell a bunch of nutritional products, so I didn't go anymore.
Kelley Thank you for checking in! I honestly was more detached and happier overall when he was out of the house - but I think that was because I was more focused on myself, and it's a state of mind I need to learn to get to regardless. Sorry it's making it harder on you having your H out of the house... although it's probably helping with your sanity, I bet.
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
