You're 10 years apart.. she is basically a child, both compared to your age, and how she is acting. she has demonstrated both by her divorcing her first husband, and also in how she has approached your marriage, that she is incredibly NOT suited to marriage. (I dont believe all the "controlling" claims. It was most likely more a case of, She wanted to do whatever she wanted, her husband complained about it, so eventually she divorced him)
I'm sorry to say this, but since it seems no-one else has yet: People sometimes say that not all marriages should be saved. I know that you love her.. but it seems like your marriage is one of them. You've only been married a year, and there are no children. In some ways, an "annulment" sounds almost appropriate. i dont think she was ever truely committed to you in marriage.
Unless you are an incredibly strong biblical marriage believer... why would you want to stay in this marriage? And even if you are.. she doesnt sound like a believer. by the words of St. Paul, you can let the unbeliever go, and be free of your mismatched marriage. Let her go. completely. Let her do the divorce. Don't chase after her one bit.
I appreciate your viewpoint Dom. I agree that her maturity level is not on par with mine, as do most of our friends. Realize there are other dynamics at work in our R/M, that go beyond what I have posted here, as like any M, our story is filled with a vast history of mutual mistakes and victories. I believe she married me truly with the desire to be happy and to live on together into old age. I do think that saying that our marriage shouldn't be saved is rather harsh, and goes against the principles of DBing. My W suffers from a variety of physical illnesses which have shaped her in some very damaging ways (emotionally), rendering her feeling very unloveable. She is defensive and unconfident in her ability to give me love as well as to receive it. I married her because the best in her far outweighs the worst, and it just so happens that when she is hurt, she is very self and outwardly destructive. Someday, she will indeed find her strength to grow in this area, and I am praying and hoping that our separation is just what the Dr. ordered for her to find it. I know her first H, and though he may not have been truly abusive, he was indeed very destructive to what little of her self-esteem was left when she met him. Most of our present issues arose from the aftermath of what she carried with her from that M. I vowed my commitment to her for life, through better or for worse, and this, Dom, is her worst-but does that make it right to bail on her? Though she may be confused, and in a very negative place with herself, I AM the stronger one right now, and will not abandon her just because she did the same to me out of fear of something within herself. If the papers land on my doorstep, I will wish her well, but my love for my W is truly unconditional, and no matter what she has done, I will indeed forgive her in time and with some work, if she comes around. If I walk away from my so-called "mismatched marriage", then I will be no less of the problem than she. Who are you to say we are so? However, I have stopped chasing her and I will not do the D.
