Called him, not coming home.

[Rollercoasterider]

I called and told him to make a choice- either come home or not. He said he'd come and get his stuff. His choice is made then eh?

No, you gave him an ultimatum. If you force a decision, there is not choice in it. what you did was remove his choice.

it's hard to work on a marriage when the H isnt' around.

And darn near impossible to work on your Self with an MLCer living in the same house.

She's a druggie (4yr record), and has been in jail for 2 months.
...I am better than some drugged up whore.

MLCers affair down. This is normal. Now rejoice that she is so far down...the lower the OW the less likelihood of anything lasting. I was glad Sweetheart chose the lowest form of OW, desperate, needy, alcoholic, faked prgenancy threatened indirect suicide, stripper daughter lived at home--under house arrest. It wasn't going to last. Sit back and watch this movie form the sidelines.

I said we have kids, home and marriage in common!!

...I want my marriage to work (told him that too)

What an MLCer will hear: I will pressure you and make you for guilty for your actions. I'm going to do this whether you like it or not--and hound you about it.
How an MLCer will React: RUN AWAY

This is the hardest decision I've ever made, but I'll follow the book and see if he decides to wake up ...I will do TLR and see if anything changes.

What timeline are you looking at for this--for how long will you follow the book or try Last Resort?

MLC lasts 2-7 years. Last Resort--well in MLC that isn't going to fix him or your marriage in what most would consider a timely manner. DB'ing is for YOU--to find your strength, self-confidence, peace...to find your SELF. And yes, the End goal may be to save your marriage--it was mine. But to do that, you must first fix yourself. Db'ing sets a foundation for him to return on HIS timeline--not your timeline.

MLC is one thing, but an affair with that choice is a slap in the face.

MLC and an affair are not two separate things. ALmost all MLCers have affairs--ALMOST ALL. It is an MLC symtpom.
If you feel a slap on your face, you are taking his actions personally. The actions are self destructive--this is about him NOT YOU. Sadly, you are the closeest to him and there is shrapnel. DUCK.

I'd love for him to "wake up" but he'll have to learn the hard way. Damn shame.

Almost all 'wake up'...eventually. That doesn't mean we see it often on the board...because most don't stick around long enough.

MLC and your journey are blessings. Everything happens for a reason, and everything brings opportunity--you make it what it will be.
Thus it will only be ashame if you make it so. Focus ont he positive outcomes and personal growth--and you will be amazed by the blessings...one of which can be a better marriage than ever.

HUGS,
RCR

PS: What makes you think this is not MLC