Okay, so I have a question...can someone be too nice?
I guess so..... I to get the samething from Co-workers, my W's friends, neighbors, you name it. They typically say something like: "Scott you are one of the nicest guys that I know, I cannot believe what XXXX is doing and saying to you."
I have also read some places that woman don't like nice guys because they are not a challenge and so they get bored. I actually just read a book about not being a nice guy and becoming a good guy. One of its main points was nice guys are too passive, just agree with everyone, not vulnerable, not willing to take risks, where is the intamacy in that. Some of the points the book made fit me, a lot did not.
Maybe that is what happened, maybe they got bored because we were to nice. Though from what I read that doesn't seem to fit.......you are intelligent, moral, compassionette and walk around in a bikini. I think your H went nuts, that makes more sense to me.
As for me maybe I should not spoil my next W. Massages, pedicures, support of her goals, time for herself, time for her friends, support for her career.... Maybe I need to through that out the window and turn into a jackass myself.... I have to say that I do not like the way that sounds.
That is funny about the OW. Are you kidding me hiding her in a bar. Heck hiding her anywhere. If she were worth a damn then why hide her. I am scratching my head about this one. I'm sorry but it sounds like your H is going to be miserable with her in the long run...
As for me maybe I should not spoil my next W. Massages, pedicures, support of her goals, time for herself, time for her friends, support for her career.... Maybe I need to through that out the window and turn into a jackass myself.... I have to say that I do not like the way that sounds.
Don't you dare turn into a jackass. She is absolutely crazy for leaving you. My H didn't do hardly anything that you listed. I would loved to be spoiled...my H never spoiled me. Next time, I'm going for a nice guy. My H was the type of guy that a lot of women "think" that they want but then like myself they learn the hard way. I think he is the complete opposite of you...actually the complete opposite of me. He is the flirty, hardworking, trouble-making...I don't take any crap from anyone...don't tell me I can't do it kind of guy. When we were in high school, our principal saw us at a basketball game together and he said "you don't go out with him, do you?" I was the nice, smart valedictorian...he was the trouble-making farm kid. I thought we made each other better people...obviously, we didn't. I think that I gave my H a better life than he ever would have had. I think that now he is living up to the expectations that everyone had for him. It's very sad...his own uncle said he had life made and he threw it all away.
It's too bad that you live so far away, you sound the type of nice guy I might be looking for in a few months. You seem like a really sweet guy who got the raw end of the deal. Don't worry there are girls who like nice guys. Don't change...you will find a woman that appreciates you for you.
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Maybe that is what happened, maybe they got bored because we were to nice. Though from what I read that doesn't seem to fit.......you are intelligent, moral, compassionette and walk around in a bikini. I think your H went nuts, that makes more sense to me.
Yeah, me too. How can you be too perfect? My H as a huge pride issue, so he traded me in for someone that is inferior to him...that way he can feel great about himself. I think the better way to handle that would be to better yourself but it was easier to find OW.
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If she were worth a damn then why hide her.
She's definately not worth a damn. I'd like to think it was morals but we all know that he doesn't have any. I'm afraid it has to do with protecting OW. She might fall flat on her face if she ever met me and realizes that she will never fill my shoes. She may have stolen my H, but she will never be half of what I was to him.
Do not worry, I do not have it me to be a jackass. God did not make me that way. Sure I have my faults but being an ass is not one of them.
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It's very sad...his own uncle said he had life made and he threw it all away.
No offense but you married and idiot. Maybe he was just ignorant to the fact that he had a wonderful W at home. Although from what I read that fact must have been obvious, this gives your theory of crazy more weight. Either way his Uncle is right he threw away the best thing that ever happened to him.
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It's too bad that you live so far away, you sound the type of nice guy I might be looking for in a few months.
Damn....So you are saying dinner and dancing next Saturday is out of the question? Are you also saying that there is more then corn in down state Illinois, there is Hope?
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My H didn't do hardly anything that you listed.
I have to admit one day instead of setting up a pedicure for my W to go to, I decided to give her an at home one....Well it started off nice until I started putting some lotion on her feet. I did not know it but the stuff was meant to take off all her dead skin. Well, that was the end of it for me. I was grossed out and had to stop. I payed for all her pedicures since - until now of course.
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I'm afraid it has to do with protecting OW.
I really think in a strange way your H was trying to protect you. Which again shows you that this OW is worth a damn. It would have been one thing if he put her up in a Holiday Inn Express(This would have been a 5 star hotel for her), but a bar are you kidding me. I would have been offended at this suggestion, heck I would not have thought this to be acceptable for anybody that I was with. If some a-hole does this to one of my girls he better start running now.
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She may have stolen my H, but she will never be half of what I was to him.
Your right she will never be a half, a third, a quarter of who you are... Sorry to be bashing your H but again he is an idiot.
Your a great gal and will make some dude very lucky.
Heck, he could have at least dropped her off at the local mall. Most women would be far more comfortable there than a bar. It definitely shows you the caliber of woman she is!
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon
Yeah, I know...I must be a bad judge of character. Strange it took 11 years for his true colors to shine through. Now he is living up to everyone's expectations for him...they always thought I was too good for him.
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Damn....So you are saying dinner and dancing next Saturday is out of the question?
Oh no we couldn't...we wouldn't to upset our selfish spouses. Oh and that's right, we are the moral ones.
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Are you also saying that there is more then corn in down state Illinois, there is Hope?
There's definately more than corn in down state. There's a great girl that is married to a jackass that decided the grass was greener in Missouri.
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It would have been one thing if he put her up in a Holiday Inn Express(This would have been a 5 star hotel for her), but a bar are you kidding me. I would have been offended at this suggestion, heck I would not have thought this to be acceptable for anybody that I was with.
Yeah, I know what a joke...he would have never done that to me. My mil says she is all too familiar with the bar scene...she felt right at home there. OW is definately the type of girl you bring home to meet your mom....yeah right, no wonder my mil would do everything in her power to keep my marriage together. My H is on the fasttrack to to his second D and he hasn't even finalized the first one.
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Sorry to be bashing your H but again he is an idiot.
Don't worry....he deserves it and he is an idiot.
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Your a great gal and will make some dude very lucky.
Thanks that is what I am hoping for. H's sister says I will find someone that really cares about me and then I will know what it like to be truly loved.
Yoyo,
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Heck, he could have at least dropped her off at the local mall. Most women would be far more comfortable there than a bar. It definitely shows you the caliber of woman she is!
Yeah, she isn't worth the dirt on my shoe. There's no mall around, so that wasn't an option, but if he isn't doing anything wrong...why didn't he just bring her to the party. She's trash that is the only way to describe her.
Strange it took 11 years for his true colors to shine through. Now he is living up to everyone's expectations for him...they always thought I was too good for him.
He knew how good he had it with you and tried like heck to play the part and be a good man to you...Unfortunately for you the theory of faking it to you make did not workout for him.
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Oh no we couldn't...we wouldn't to upset our selfish spouses. Oh and that's right, we are the moral ones.
Morals.....yeah you are right we do have morals and so does everybody on this board. I honestly do not know when it will be time for me to start dating. I do miss having someone to talk to about my life and sharing of theirs. My friends are and have been great but it is not the same.
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There's a great girl that is married to a jackass that decided the grass was greener in Missouri.
If the grass is greener it because it is covered in manure.
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H's sister says I will find someone that really cares about me and then I will know what it like to be truly loved.
I honestly do not know when it will be time for me to start dating. I do miss having someone to talk to about my life and sharing of theirs. My friends are and have been great but it is not the same.
I don't know when I will be ready either. A couple of months ago, I thought it would take me months, maybe even a year...now, I think after the D is finalized I will be ready given that I've been dealing with H's A for almost 10 months now. I really would like to find someone with similar interests and outlook on life. My H and I were opposites...I think I would connect better with someone more like me. As I look back, I don't think my H and I ever had that great of relationship. I was always bending over backwards for him...he hardly did any bending. I do love him and always have, but now I believe that he was just too selfish to care much about what I wanted. Hopefully, at some point, I will get into a healthy relationship and it will all work out for the best...until then it's about finding myself and having fun.
Take care...we are both going to be better, stronger people because of this and we will find the happiness that we are due.
I think after the D is finalized I will be ready given that I've been dealing with H's A for almost 10 months now.
I too feel the same way, but, I have the added dimension of my little girls. I think once they get a little comfortable with all this it will be time for their Daddy to start dating. Another thing that I think about, though now is not the time to worry about it, when is it appropriate for my girls to meet a significant other for me.
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I was always bending over backwards for him...he hardly did any bending.
I know what you mean by this. I won't say my W never did any bending for me, but the majority of the bending was done by me.
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I will get into a healthy relationship and it will all work out for the best...until then it's about finding myself and having fun.
Agreed.... and for me taking care of my girls.
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Take care...we are both going to be better, stronger people because of this and we will find the happiness that we are due.
I got my new cell phone...all I can is let freedom ring. H will no longer be able to look up my call log and see who I am talking to...amazing that I didn't cheat on him but he is the one that is spying on me. Pretty soon I will be able to break all ties with him. Like he said himself...who would want to be friends with a guy like me.
