I'm more a lurker than a poster but believe my sitch is most likely MLC. H left abruptly upon my return from Disneyland on Nov 8 '06. Full steam ahead into another relationship with a co-worker within days of leaving. Pressured for immediate D and settlement. D cannot occur in our province unless 1 of 3 things: 1.) one year separation 2.) admission/proof of adultery 3.) proof of mental cruelty
Signed a separation agreement early May. I've bought him out of our house with my parents (bless them). The paperwork is being finalized but the money has changed hands. He's more or less "free". I have been in therapy all this time. My emotions have been tangled. I've been 'standing' for my marriage and am not giving up that God can rebuild what has been torn down.
In early June I had an emotional meltdown and reacted by asking (in an e-mail) for him to sign an affidavit of adultery to hasten the end of the marriage rather than wait for the year of separation (another 6 months). He did not react well (surprise?). At the end of the exchange he said if I signed a spouses' waiver against his pension - releasing me from any pre-retirement survivor benefits and signed the release to cancel the house insurance he is still paying and give him a disputed $500 that he may think about giving me a D! In addition to this, he slammed me for a comment I made indicating I wanted to move on with my life but didn't want to start dating anyone until after I was divorced. He used a statement I made when he left against me saying "six months ago I was the man for you, if you're so in touch with your feelings how could you make such a big mistake?" I was dumbfounded at this. He was the one who left and he's been demanding I move on with my life. Now that I indicate that's what I'm doing, he slams me for stating my commitment to him.
I did not respond and have had no contact with him since that date even over his birthday in early July. Until we ran into each other in the grocery store on July 25th. He did not avoid me as he has been doing. He instead stood behind me while I was at the deli counter and when I turned around he said 'Hi'. I smiled, said hi, chit-chatted briefly (less than 5 min) about him just moving and trivial things. He was pleasant, looking me in the eye (goals I had back in December) and no conversation about anything to do with the last e-mail or otherwise.
Today, in the mail I received the waiver form and house insurance cancelation to sign with a note asking me to sign and return to him; that he would really appreciate it. I have a couple of questions I would like to ask him and would like input from you good folks on what my response might be. I have been praying daily for my H to have his heart softened first of all towards the Lord and then towards me if that is the Lords will. This past week in particular I've sensed that the Lord is telling me he will return and to continue to trust Him. This morning when I woke, I knew I had been dreaming of H. Everytime (in my dreams) that it came to the point of speaking with H I awoke and the exchange was not complete. I'm not clear yet on what that means if anything but do believe that the Lord uses our dreams to guide us.
I would like to know from H why this pre-retirement survivor benefit waiver is so important. It implies to me that he's concerned he may not live to retirement age. He does have a chronic illness but it is not life threatening at this point (as far as I know). And the separation agreement we have has taken care of any future claim either of us might have on each other. So it seems a moot point to me.
Secondly, the insurance cancelation cannot be signed (I spoke with the insurance company a couple of months ago when H first asked me to sign this) until the assumption of the mortgage with my parents has taken place. This is happening but has been slow due to some missing documents that the mortgage company now has.
My thought is to contact him maybe over this coming weekend and discuss signing these documents in exchange for him signing the affidavit of adultery document. But, if that is my pride/ego wanting to manouver things, I don't want to go against what God may have in mind. The other thought is to contact him, discuss the reasons I've outlined as to the validity of signing and see where it goes from there.
At this point, I have no idea if he is still dating the co-worker though he did recently move within 5 blocks of her house which is also within a couple of blocks of where we all work. Having not had any contact with him to speak of, I have no idea where he is at in terms of 'us'. I do know he was at mutual friends' place last weekend for dinner and told them that he didn't take the decision to leave me lightly. Though he hadn't given me ANY indication that he was unhappy until returning from a business trip in October. Within 10 days, he was gone. Sorry for the long post. What should I do?
