Klm, You are doing great. I started to post yesterday and I lost the post and then had to go...

I would let him know you are going out of town if you trust him as far as the house. I don't think there is anything else he can take but if there is you may want to hide it. You might want to erase your history or password protect your computer just so he doesn't figure out you on here! I don't know much about this kind of thing as my H has been in the computer business for about 25 years and I know only the basics. You said that he may come and take care of the dog. That might be a good thing. Come over and miss the dog, you and his house! Plus you will not be there. I think by telling him you are going you are showing him that life is going on and you are not game playing. You would not want him to go out of town and not tell you. He may reveal more of what he is doing if you do. Our dog with no kids is a good buffer. The few times he is over we sometimes take him for a walk together.

As mine did not want me to find out where he was either I told him that unless he wanted to give me a key to his apt so I could just call an hour ahead and show up like he did or come over un announced he had to respect some boundaries and agree to coming over on my terms. He seemed to get that after I would not let him in the house one visit, which was a mistake on my part as it only fueled his anger. I had put what he wanted out on the porch with a note. He didn't even read the note. As mine moved back to exact same building he moved to 4 years ago I had a good idea where he was. He did give me his address later.

I think your goals are great. This is so hard. I am trying to do what my therapist says, and get this settlement agreement agreed to. My H wants all this settled and then file. People keep telling me ( like 2 people) that they don't think this is going to happen. I am going to be basket case if it gets to the point we file jointly like therapist says to keep him and our money away from the attorney.

I am trying to stay sane here alone all day! This board helps and I hope my past experience will help. Like I said I have done the don't a few times too!