I've been reading a lot of the posts on this site for a few days now and feel like its time to put in my story. First of all, I'm amazed at just how similar so many of these threads are to my situation.
We've known each other for 19 yrs, been married 13. Two kids 8 and 5. Everything about our lives and relationship is great except there has always been some tension between us about our sex lives. I would be happy with daily, but she doesn't have the same drive. For about the past 9 months, its been at least weekly, which I've been quite content with. Flashback about two years... I was becoming suspicious of her lack of intimacy / communication and found her journal laying around. In it I found an entry about an EA with someone from work. She was seriously considering calling it quites and pursuing this new relationship. I confronted her and she said that it was over... he had moved on. We reconciled and promised to work harder. There were a few other instances between then and now where we had arguments about the intimacy issue, but we always found closure fairly easily.
Up to the recent bomb. I again was feeling something was out of place about 3 weeks ago. I snooped. On her cell phone I found txt messages from someone that works in her building (he happened to go to her HS also). They were suggestive, but she had erased her messages to him, so I didn't have the full context. Again, I confronted her about this and said what I saw had made me uncomfortable. She said that she found him attractive, but that their converstions were purely innocent. They've been discussing common marital issues. Next night, I ask to talk and she get defensive and angry because she's tired. Pissed off I leave the room and put together my thoughts in a letter. I leave it for her to find in the morning. Next day she doesn't call. I'm anxious all day. Finally get an email from her end of day that she read the letter but we should talk at home. She has a letter for me that she wrote during the day. Basic speech giving me the ILYBNILWY. Says she feels like its her brother when we are together intimately, that it has been this way from the time got married. Says we were too young, she was in love with the fairy tale. Says shes thinking of getting S. I suggest C, but she says its too little too late. We talk more and she agrees to C. I go out and find a book by Dr. Phil about relationships. I worked through excercises exploring myself, our relationship and her wants and needs. I approach her about what I've been working on and she says its too late. She's been looking for apartments and wants to find closure so she can move on. She suggests we sleep in separate beds, but then agrees to stay in the same bed. Finally get to counselling about 10 days after bomb. Counsellor suggests if the intimacy is the only issue, we should work on that and hold off on D/S. She recommends Michele's book and DBing. I get the book the next day and start reading. Over the weekend, we have motocycle lessons scheduled, so we spend the full weekend together. Things seem to improve. She is okay being physically close to me during the classes and she even holds my hand at one point. I feel like a schoolkid I'm so excited. So that's about where I am now. She has comtemplated being a WAW, but in the last few days, she seems to be more comfortable showing some affection towards me. I'm still concerned about the OM. I'm convinced it is an EA, but I don't think anything P has happened. One thing that does bother me is that ILY hasn't been around for a couple of weeks. The counsellor suggested we read the book together. I asked if we could do that tonight. I'm hoping this isn't pushing too hard at this point.
