Lessons from a former WAS

[thegoodfight]

Chicki,

Let me say my preception and that is all it is worth! The cheater or WAS in most cases did not deal with the issues the were troubling them or the relationship. Having said that eventually MOST people will feel and obligation to address the issue. Unfortunatelly chances are many WAS will learn to address it because their new relationship will fail and they will realize that they have unresolved issues within themselves and in their relationship.

I did talk to my wife my excuse to come home was to be their for my son, this was a true statement but I also believed my best chance to resolve our issues was to be together. Some can resolve best apart, I did not believe this to be the case with my W.

My guess on the not completely in love comment is, you and he lived together and were married together for X amount of years. One can not truely care about someone they just meet or started a relationship with under deceitful circumstances as much as someone they have "lived life with for a long time and had kids with". Yes sometimes we think this new person or this side fling is all that and they give us attention and tell us how sexy we are and how much they love us.

But if we look at that we must question what does the other person really love about us and what do we love about them? The fact that they are willing to be deceitful and hide the relationship, or that the OP doesn't care about the Spouse's family or what it means to the kids. If we truely look at it without emotion (which is hard to do). Does it make any sense to believe or even invest in a relationship that has started based on deceit and lies and suffering. Chances are our marriages started as two single people that came together, not one or both being married and wanting "something more" and hurting others in the process.