Not so fast!

[indybyathread]

Thanks to both of you for responding to my posts. I have a feeling things are going to get really tough for me now and I sure appreciate having this place to go for support. Not doing too well today. Feel very afraid. Not sure if it is afraid that I won't be able to keep this up and will give in to being the part time family he wants me to be or if I will actually be able to detach and lose him forever. Some of both I guess.

Never did get anything more from him. He was here last night and seemed contrite but had nothing to add to his strange message earlier. I pretty much stayed as far away from him as I could get without beind obvious. I got sad before he left and got caught crying in my room. He said, "I don't suppose a hug would help?" I said he was right and that I would be fine, that I had to teach myself a new way of doing things and it was a little scary, that's all. I said, "Don't worry, I will be fine." He said, "I hope I'll be." Couldn't help but chuckle at that. "I'm sure you will be," I said in a tone that was possibly slightly mocking.

Sorry but coming into my room while I'm having a private melt down, trying to console me with a band-aid hug and then making it about his poor feelings made me want to throw something at him. When do you get past that? How long does it take to be able to just look at them when they complain about how hard things are for THEM and knowing it is entirely their doing, things they could change at any second and not want to just unleash? How do you just make yourself really say, "Hmmm that's a shame for you," and really not give two s**ts about it one way or another?

I know I have to learn. I have put up little signs all over my room and in other places around the house that say, "Let it go!" Hopefully I will see them every time I feel the need to reach out to him in some way and remember that if it isn't about the kids, or the business of the household, I don't need his opinion or support. I'm sure it gets easier with practice, right?