Got a new email from the W today. She just said we have a hearing Aug, 13th and the D is going to proceed ( no surprise). She has issues too, and acts as though she was abused but like another poster said, I too have never laid a finger on her. We had a few arguments (probably 3 or 4) where she said "go on and hit me". I never have done that, and to my knowledge she has never been in an abusive relationship but who knows. She has issues too. But like most here, I still love her deeply. But know I can only think that it will happen if it is meant to be.
Yea, it sounds like she too is using that as an excuse to throw in the towel and not do the work. She may be like my W (same age), who thinks that if it takes too much work, it's not worth it, or that the M is wrong to stay in because you just "aren't right for each other." Well, she knew who you were before she said "I do", and I believe that's just another excuse not to work on HER self. Everyone is different, and no people have the exact same style of communication, but what we should all be doing is trying to communicate on each other's level, not the way we feel is right for ourselves. I think that's where most of us go wrong. They will find someday that the work is part of those vows and no one is exempt from doing it within a M, if it is to survive. I think she does still care, and like my W, could be pulling the abuse card as a way of rallying support around her and not admitting her own guilt for her half of the problems. So true, it really does take two, and though sometimes one person may bear more weight, she still someday will have to come to terms with her own shortcomings. Now all we can do is pray that she comes to her senses before the papers are signed...
