I was happy with the way I DBed during the conversation too, given that I haven't really had the opportunity to validate and empathize with her since I found this site. It was hard to keep repeating myself (saying I was sorry over and over) since she wouldn't really let it go, but I managed to hold up.
Some more journaling,
I went to get a hair cut around 4:00 today, and when I got out I saw that W had called and left a message. She said that she would call today to discuss the schedule with the kids this week, so I was anticipating the call. The message was pleasant, and she just said to call her when I had a chance, thanks, and bye. I waited an hour, then called her back. She was nice, and all of the anger and irritation was gone. She asked if I had gotten a text about the cellphone bill no going through. I said yes, knowing what was coming next. She said that she couldn't pay it until Friday (which now seems strange to me because she gets paid -- or used to get paid -- on Wednesdays) and asked if I would pay it. I paused for a second, mainly to see if she would say anything else, and as I started to say yes she added (in an okay tone) "unless you want to take a chance and wait until Friday (it is due Wednesday)." I said "No, it's okay. I'll go ahead and pay it." We then had some small talk revolving around automatic withdrawals and how they can be a pain sometimes. The conversation then went to the schedule with the kids, and she said she had to work at 3:00 a.m. Wednesday and Thursday. We decided that I would get the kids around their bedtime on Tuesday night so she could spend as much time as possible with them, and then she would pick them up at daycare after work on Friday since I'm going to be in Seattle from Fri morning until Monday night doing the Lindy Hop Exchange. I asked her if she wanted me to come to her place (and OM's) to pick them up Tuesday night so she wouldn't have to drive so much that day. She deferred to me, but added that anything that helps her to save on gas is appreciated. Of course, I said I would do it. We decided on a time, she thanked me, and we said goodbye.
No talk about the raft trip weekend -- no apologies from either of us. It was like it didn't even happen. I'm sure she was nicer mostly because of the need for me to pay the cellphone bill, but I think it was easier for her to do because of the way I handled myself on the phone with her this last weekend. Made me all the happier that I stuck with the DB plan of validating and empathizing with her feelings.
I kind of feel like a doormat now and then with things like today, but I know that it is what I need to do right now. Once the D goes through, I will call for us to severe all joint accounts and bills, and will quit providing any financial help. I will still be there for her in other ways, but I will slowly be distancing myself more and more as is appropriate.
GD
P.S. I'll be trying to catch up with everyone's sitches in the next few days before I leave for Seattle, at which point I'll get behind again. Then of course, I'll catch up and fall back behind because of Orlando. After that, hopefully I'll be back on the consistency.
